Fly jokes

• Two flies on a toilet seat,..one got pissed off.
• little Bobby says to his dad " Do you and mummy keep birds in your bedroom?", Daddy says "No, What do you mean?", and bobby says "Well, last night i was passing by your room, and i heard you say to mummy "Do you wanna swallow , or should i let it fly?"
• A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. Killing any?" She asked. "Yes, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" He replied "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
• Two flies are sitting on a turd. One turns to the other and says, "not seen you in a while, where have you been?"The other fly replies, "yeah, I know, I`ve been on the sick."
• What"s is the difference between an Ethiopian and a pair of jeans?A pair of jeans only has one fly on it.
• What was the last thing to go through the fly"s mind when he hit the car windscreen?HIS ARSE!
• A fly was buzzing around a barn one day when he noticed a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate. Finally he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. He had eaten too much however and could not get off the ground. As he looked around , wondering what to do, he spotted a pitchfork leaning against the wall. So he climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once he got airbourne he would be able to take flight. Unfortunately, he was wrong. He dropped like a rock, splattering hard against the floor.The moral to the story.. Never fly off the handle when you know you"re full of shit.
• I complained to the waiter, "Waiter! There"s a fly in my soup." The waiter replied, "that could very well be, Sir, the cook used to be a tailor...."
• Just shows now that Michael Todd has been found dead.Pigs can"t fly after all.
• After Raising £4m for our local hospital we"ve finally got two new wings built.I still don"t think we"ll get the fucker to fly though.......