Female jokes

• I took the Wife out earlier.One punch!
• Personally I think female Bishops are a great idea.Its about time our Churches and Cathedrals got a proper cleaning.
• Why did the woman cross the road?More to the point why the fuck is she out of the kitchen?!
• Why is the part of a woman between her hips and her breasts called a waist?Because they could have easily fitted in another pair of tits there.
• Where does a female chav go to lose weight? The abortion clinic.
• What do you call a female chav with two brain cells? Pregnant.
• What do female Muslims use for birth control?Their faces.
• A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.The guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?"The customer says, "Female"The counter guy asks, "Black or white?"The customer says, "White"The counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"The customer says, "What the hell does religion have to do with it?"The counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up!"
• Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn"t like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn"t often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes. He told them that they could have 3 wishes each. Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit"s wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr.Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine. Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish. Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could.
• Apparently scientists have found female hormones in beer.It"s true: After 6 pints you talk shite and can"t drive.
• Apparantly Allah is having real problems at the moment. With so many suicide bombers, he is really struggling to find the 72 virgins that have been promised to each and every one of them. It"s getting so bad, he might even have to consider female virgins as a substitue.
• If a male pilot works in a cock pit, where does a female pilot work?Don"t be stupid, women can"t fly planes!
• This old bloke goes into an old folks home because he keeps falling over and his son can"t keep his eye on him all the time. On his first day in the home, a female nurse comes along to give him a wash and she notices he has a slight erection. With that, she gives him a blow job.He gets straight on the phone to his son, telling him that he just got a gobble and what a wonderful place it was.The following, day he"s walking down a corridor and he falls over - suddenly, from behind, a male nurse gives him one up the arse.He gets straight on the phone to his son again and says "get me out of here, a male nurse just banged me up the arse."His son says, "look, dad, so you took one up the arse - you got a blow job yesterday, you have to take the rough with the smooth."The old bloke says, "fuck off, I get a hard on three times a year but I fall over three times a fucking day."