Feltz jokes

• Vanessa Feltz spoke out today on Breakfast Television, about the importance of dealing sensitively with male impotence.Apparently she has known a lot of men who have suffered with it.
• Vanessa Feltz will be returning to our screens in the Autumn in her new chat show; Ask Vanessa. Her first two guests will be Kerry Katona and Jade Goody. If anybody from Al Qaeda is reading this.................
• Did you hear Vanessa Feltz was arrested at Heathrow Airport?Allegedly she had 40lb of crack in her knickers.
• Vanessa Feltz is to become the new face for Erectile Dysfunction....
• Did you hear in the news that Vanessa Feltz has been raped? No!...and your never going to either
• What do you get if you cross Vanessa Feltz with Michele McManus?About 5.4 on the Richter Scale.
• A piece of 27-year-old cake from the wedding of Prince Charles and Princess Diana has been sold to an anonymous bidder at auction for 1,200 pounds.I reckon it was Vanessa Feltz, that fat bitch will do anything for cake.
• Vanessa Feltz is to be a new judge on American Idol. Apparently she goes down well with the American Audience.Well, she is an ugly, fat bitch with no sense of humour or discernible personality.
• When I woke up this morning there was a heavy dew on my lawn.it was Vanessa Feltz
• Christmas is comingVanessa Feltz is fatI drank a pint of WhiskeyAnd tried to shag the catI put the turkey in the ovenThrew up on the floorRan naked through the kitchenand out of the front doorI punched a carol singerbegan to dance and shout"Christmas is coming"And then I passed out.
• Vanessa Feltz has revealed she is hoping to get swept off her feet by her Fiance next week. Unless her Fiance is Hurricane Gustav, I can"t see it happening personally.
• You guys hear the news about Vanessa Feltz?Appartently she"s got a bun in the oven!!!... 2 pies in the microwave and some bacon under the grill!
• I"ve found a great cure for premature ejaculation.I have a photo of Vanessa Feltz on my headboard.