Feet jokes

• Just had a holiday in Jersey, but found it hard to relax with all those kids under my feet
• I swept this bird off her feet today.Roundhouse kick to the tits usually does it.
• A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "can I smell your pussy?"The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "certainly not!""Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your Camel then".
• A guy gets in a lift and asks the lady next to him, " Can i smell your vagina?"The lady looks at the guy with a disgusted look and says," NO!! "The guys says," Then it must your feet"
• On their wedding night, young Diane says to new hubby, "if you don"t remove your socks, I am not getting in bed at all."Hubby is determined not to remove the socks. Diane argues he is perhaps kinky!Hubby eventually gives in. "Alright," he says, "I have hid this from you all through our courting days, though. Look." Removing the socks, one foot is only half there!"I lost it during an accident at work," he explains, "it embarrasses me."Diane runs down stairs. Ever so upset she telephones her Mum. Sobbing on the phone, she cries to her Mum, "he only has a foot and a half!"Mother replies, "hang on, young lady. You pack your bags and get back home, tell him I am on my way over!"
• A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!"So the couple walked in."I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in," the Jamaican said to them. "Dey make you wild at sex."Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn"t need them, being the "sex god" that he was."How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" the husband asked the shopkeeper."Just try dem on, Mon," the Jamaican replied.After some badgering from his wife, the man finally gave in and tried the sandals on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes ... something his wife hadn"t seen in many years!In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, quickly bent him over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican"s hips.At which point the Jamaican began screaming..."YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET, MON! YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!"
• Why have elephants got 4 feet?Cos they"d look fucking stupid with 3 inches!
• Who said, "There"s nothing wrong with defeat"?Bob Marley"s chiropodist
• I was walking along the road when I saw a man who had no feet. I went over and kicked the shit out of him. It"s because I"m lack-toes intolerant.
• My religious mother wasn"t too impressed when I got my eyebrow pierced, so I said to her, "sure, Jesus got his hands and feet pierced, didn"t he?"