Eyes jokes

• Ninety two percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils.
• www.conjunctivitis.comA site for sore eyes
• Always slash the eyes of your rape victims.That way they have to identify you by taste.
• Do you know how to make a Venician blind?Poke his fucking eyes out!!
• Your eyes are like spanners...When I look into them my nuts tighten
• People are saying that the Chinese are just going to use these Olympics for propaganda purposes, and much of what we see and are told will be very biased. I must admit, everything that comes out of China does seem a bit slanted. Especially the eyes.
• What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, the bitch has already been told twice.
• Did you hear about the new Viagra eye-drops?Apparently they make you look hard.
• My wife can be a right hurtful bastard sometimes. Yesterday she gave birth to a baby boy and we were both looking at him in his cot.So I turned to the wife, with a cheeky grin on my face, and said, "he"s quite big down there, isn"t he?"She said, "yeah, but at least he"s got your eyes."
• Chat-up line of the day:You have the most beautiful eyes I"ve ever seen.I"d really like to rip one out and skullfuck you.
• "Throwing acid is wrong - in some people"s eyes."
• What"s red and silver, and walks into walls?A baby with forks in its eyes.
• Some people say; "You can"t even begin to imagine what it"s like to be blind."I couldn"t help thinking, try closing your eyes!
• Scientists in Sweden have announced that they have found the longest hair on the human body, it runs from your arse to your eyelash. Oh come on! It doesn"t take a bloody scientist to figure that out, everyone knows that if you pull a hair out of your arse, it makes your fuckin" eyes water.
• How do you know you"re really ugly?Dogs close their eyes when they"re humping your leg.