Elton john jokes

• I had a wet dream about Elton John last nightI dreamt he was shot in the head and I pissed myself laughing.
• Call me an old-fashioned bigot if you like, but I think that what Elton John and his sort get up to is just unnatural and frankly disgusting.I mean, how can you call yourself a man and be a Watford FC supporter at the same time?
• Elton John is filing for divorce: His partner was having sex behind his back.
• What have Richard Hammond and Elton John got in common? They both have skid marks on their helmet.
• Elton John has never owned a parrot, but he has had a Cockatoo.
• What"s brown and sticky?Elton John"s wedding ring.
• Kylie Minogue, Elton John and Robbie Williams are walking along the street. Kylie trips, jamming her head in some railings. Robbie, quick as a flash, pulls down her knickers and fucks her senseless. He turns to Elton and says, "your turn!" but Elton starts to cry. "What"s wrong, Elton?" asks Robbie.Elton sobs, "My head won"t fit through the railings!"
• Elton John goes to a tattooist and says "I want a Rolls Royce tattooed on my cock"."You"d be better off with a Land Rover" replies the tattooist, "it won"t get stuck in the shit".
• What hits more balls than David Beckham"s right boot?Elton John"s chin.
• What did Elton John sing at Mother Theresa"s funeral?Sandals in the bin
• Elton John buys himself some rather expensive golden yellow bed sheets and, after putting them on the bed, he realized he should have gotten some milk while he was out. He tells his boyfriend not to have a wank on the bed and dirty the sheets while he"s goes and gets some milk from the Spar. But when he returns he find the sheets are full of sperm."You dirty bastard", yells Elton. "I told you not to have a wank on my new sheets"."I didn"t," his boyfriend, sheepishly replies. "I farted".