Ear jokes

• An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor"s office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "yes, sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?" "There"s something wrong with my penis," he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, "you shouldn"t come into a crowded office and say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said. The receptionist replied, "you"ve obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "yes?" "There"s something wrong with my ear," he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with you ear, Sir?" "I can"t piss out of it," the man replied.
• A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man replies, "I"ve been shooting my load in your mouth for the last 20 years and you"re still fucking talking aren"t you?"
• A girl visits her doctor and tells him she has terrible discharge."Ok, take your knickers off and lets check it out" he says. She drops her knickers and he has a feel around. He says "how does that feel?" She says "Ruddy wonderful but the discharge is from my ear".
• A mother said to her daughter on her wedding day, "the way to really turn a man on is to nibble his ear lobes."The daughter replied, "no, mum, I think that"s bollocks."
• This bloke loses both of his ears in an accident. The surgeon tells him that there are no human transplant ears available but they have a dog"s ear and a pig"s ear ready to transplant, so he agrees to the operation. One month later, he goes back for a check up and the doc asks him how he is getting on with his new ears."Well, doctor,", the bloke says, "the dog ear is brilliant - I can hear for miles and no fucker ever talks behind my back - but with the pigs ear....I seem to be getting a lot of crackling in it."
• A Teacher Asks Little Johnny What He Did Over The Weekend "My Cat Died" Exclaimed Johnny "I Knew He Was Dead Cos I Pissed In His Ear" , The Teacher Says "You Did What!?", And Johnny Says "I Leant Over And Went "Psst", And The Little Fucker Didn"t Move!"
• Paddy gets a job as a carpenter on a building site, but on his first day he forgets to wear his hard hat.As he walks under some scaffolding, a workman above drops a stanley knife and it slices Paddy"s ear clean off. As Paddy screams out in pain, the whole site workforce come running, looking for the lost ear.After a few seconds a bloke finds an ear in a pile of rubble and shouts "Is this it!?"Paddy looks up and shouts back "no, mine had a pencil behind it...!"
• Your mum"s so disgusting. I had phone sex with her and she gave me an ear infection.
• A man and woman got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we"re so fucking obsessed with getting laid?" The woman said, "That doesn"t prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this...when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better, your ear or your finger?"