- My doctor told me to stay well away from LSD. So I bought a 12 foot straw.
- I hate people who take drugs.such as policemen, customs officers etc...
- Why do pill bottles have cotton buds in the top of them?To remind niggers that they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers.
- I went to a cancer ward the other day and it was full of skinheads taking drugs and puking everywhere.Honestly, what is the world coming to?
- Lost the Carling cup?Lost the Premier league?Lost the European cup?Lost a Parent?Talk to Frank.
- I bought some drugs on the internet that they say make you live forever. So far so good.
- I once went 12 years without any sex, drugs or alcohol......my GOD, my dad knows how to throw a good 13th birthday party!
- Number one pickup line of all time.."Hey does this rag smell like chloroform or is it just me?"
- I saw a sign in a public toilet yesterday. It said "Please leave this toilet in the condition that you would like to have found it in". So I left a porno mag and a line of coke.
- Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you fucker!"He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse, but you said, "fuck off it"ll be too painful.""
- Boy asks his granny, "Have you seen my pills, they were labeled "LSD"?"Granny replies, "Fuck the pills, have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?!"
- My younger brother"s an example of what can happen to people who get involved with drugs...A porsche and his own house by the age of 20.
- Skimpy black dress: £60Sparkly shoes: £80Expensive make-up: £45Nightclub ticket: £10Seeing the look on her face as she wakes up in a filthy flat, covered in semen, you next to her with a massive grin on your face - priceless.There are some things money can"t buy - in which case, use ROHYPNOL.
- A convicted drug dealer is in prison, and his father, an old farmer, comes to visit. His father explains that they are having problems."Son, the ground is frozen. It is too hard for me to dig myself at my age, but I can"t afford extra men or to hire machines- I don"t think we will be able to plant crops this year, which will mean we will go bankrupt and lose the farm."Later the prisoner goes back to his cell and writes a letter to his father- " Dear Father, please be aware that a good friend of mine will be visiting soon. There is a large quantity of stuff he is collecting. It is hidden on the farm, he will know exactly what to do." Some weeks later the prioner"s father comes to visit. "Well, son, your friend never showed up, but before I even got your letter the police came round, searched the whole house and dug up all the land around, but they didn"t find anything." The prisoner smiles, " Happy planting, dad."
- Hear about the dinosaur that who smoked weed?
Yeah It was dist-HERB-ing!