Drive jokes

• When I saw your mum crossing the road, I ran out of petrol trying to drive around her.
• I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives forty miles away.
• Keep death off the roads.Drive through a mosque.
• I heard that drivers should take breaks when driving long distances.They should also take steering wheels, clutches, handbrakes...
• I asked my deaf/mute neighbour to stop parking his car on my drive.He got quite angry,you should have seen the language.
• Two chavs are in a car, and no music is playing. Who"s driving? The police.
• Two goldfish are in a tankOne turns to the other and says: You drive, I"ll man the guns
• Why can"t Ray Charles drive?Because he"s black.
• If You hit a Paki at 40 mph theres a 80% chance he"ll die.If You hit a Paki at 30 mph theres a 80% chance he"ll live.Now thats an incentive to speed up.
• I don"t have a Carbon Footprint...Because I drive everywhere.
• It now takes me THREE hours to drive to work in London. My mate at work said "You should try the train - it"s even worse!". He was right - tried it this morning and couldn"t drive the fucking thing to save my life.