Door jokes

• First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.Funny sense of humour my plumber has.
• I remember the first time I walked through the door of a brothel. But to be honest, I wouldn’t recommend it- the risks to your health are too great. So next time I’m going to ask then to open it first.
• The girl next door has a life-threatening condition.She is fancied by me.
• I opened my front door this morning to find a large black coffin. I gave him a pack of Lockets and told him to fuck off.
• The wife"s not speaking to me, all because I wouldn"t open the car door for her...it"s not my fault, I just fucking panicked and swam to the surface!
• I missed a Jehovah"s Witness at the front door this morning, which was a odd as I thought I had a clear shot
• How many Jehovah"s Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?Three: one to change the bulb and turn it on, the other two bastards to knock on your door and ask if you"ve seen the light...
• A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery.He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he"s ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn"t sleep that night.He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can"t tell you. You"re not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave.Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.The monks reply, "We can"t tell you. You"re not a monk."The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk."The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."The man sets about his task.After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks."In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I travelled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound."The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door."The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."The man is apprehensive to no end. His life"s wish is behind that door!With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound... But, of course, I can"t tell you what it is because you"re not a monk.
• What"s the difference between George Michael and a microwave ?The microwave stops when you open the door.
• If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?The dog, of course. He"ll shut up once you let him in.
• My dog always barks when there"s someone at the door.I don"t know why as it"s never anyone for him.