Doctors jokes

• Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after its been eaten. Its called fucking wedding cake!
• Breeders have just bred a cross between a rottweiler and a st bernard,the result is it rips your fucking throat out then dumps your body at the hospital
• Why do doctors slap new born babies arses at birth?To make the dicks fall off the stupid ones.
• A Jelly baby runs into the Doctors, red faced and very out of breath. The Doctor says "My you look exausted what have you been up to?" The Jellybaby replies "Fucking Allsorts"
• There"s an old saying:An apple a day keeps the doctors away.But nowadays most doctors seem to be Muslim so I find that bacon is far more effective.
• Doctor: It"s bad news, you have cancer and Alzheimer"s. Patient: Oh well, it could be worse - at least I don"t have cancer.
• Responding to reports revealing that Jade Goody"s cancer is, "worse than first expected, has spread further than initially thought and her recovery odds have dropped from 95 per cent to slightly better than 50 per cent."A spokesperson at the hospital has said, "doctors worked throughout the night to try and decide who would get the chance to tell her."
• Man goes into Doctors. "I think I"ve got this bird flu thing that"s been going round."The doctor says, "What makes you think that?"The man replies, "Well I"ve starting wearing make up, talking bollocks and I can"t park the fucking car."
• A woman walks into a gynecologist"s office for an exam.She gets on the stirrups and the doctor says,"You have a really huge pussy. You have a really huge pussy."The woman replies, "You didn"t have to say it twice."The doctor says, "I didn"t."
• I went to the doctors suffering from constipation, I told him, "I haven"t had a shit in 3 weeks, I just sit there, sometimes for hours, but nothing"He asks, "have you taken anything?"I replied, "only a book..."
• I went to the doctor"s a few weeks back. I told him that I"ve just started seeing a gorgeous girl and I"m having trouble lasting more than a few minutes when I fuck her.He told me, "maybe it would help you last longer if you thought about something horrible when you get aroused, like naked grannies or dead children."It didn"t work at all... now I have a terrible problem with premature ejaculation!
• Karen Matthews went to the doctor"s with back pain and, after checking her over, he said, "what position do you usually have sex in?"She replied, "doggy-style."He said, "why don"t you try missionary?"She said, "no chance - have you ever smelled a labrador"s breath?"