Disabled jokes

• Apparently, the National Press in the UK has stated there are 4.2 million people on Incapacity/Disabled Benefits.Paralympics is ours FUCKERS!!!!!
• How do you kill a bunch of retards on a bus?Put poison on the windows.
• Disabled toilets.Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.
• My dog kept getting up in the middle of the night and setting the house alarm off. My wife told me to disable it, so I broke its legs with a golf club.
• I was checking into a hotel the other week. At the counter, a guy in front of me said curtly to the receptionist, "I hope the porn channel is disabled."Unbelievable what some people are into.
• Job InterviewA chap goes to the Council for a job. The interviewer asks him - "Have you been in the armed services?" Yes" he says "I was in the Falklands for three years." The interviewer says "That will give you extra points toward employment" and then asks "Are you disabled in any way?" The guy says "Yes 100%... a land mine blew my testicles off." The interviewer tells the guy "OK.I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 AM . to 4:00 PM . You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00AM ." The guy is puzzled and says "If the hours are from 8:00AM to 4:00 PM why do you want me to come in at 10:00 AM? " "This is a council job" the interviewer replies. "For the first two hours we sit around scratching our balls...no point in you coming in for that........."
• I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted, "Oi, what"s your disability?"I said, "Tourettes! Now fuck off you cunt!"
• Women are like parking spaces, normally all the good ones are taken.So, occasionally, when no one"s looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one.
• A man was walking along the beach one day, when he happened to pass by a very lovely young woman that didnt have any arms or legs, gently sobbing to herself..."Why the tears?" he asked.She says, "I"m 18 years old and I"ve never been kissed." The man pauses for a moment, then smiles and gives her a soft kiss on the head. She laughs a little and puckers up so he gives her a big kiss on the lips.They pause for an unsure moment and then she says "You know... I"m 18 years old... and I"ve never been fucked!" The man stands up starts smiling and grabs the young woman by the hair and tosses her into the sea.She starts screaming and bobbing up and down, then the man shouts; "WELL YOU"RE FUCKED NOW DARLING!"
• You should all be ashamed for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled!They can"t even stand up for themselves.
• My friend is in a wheelchair, so I gave him a chainsaw, wrapped him in tinfoil and sent him on Robot Wars. But seriously - he"s dead now.
• I don"t know about you, but I"m sick of seeing disabled people being pushed around...
• A twenty-something disabled girl with no arms or legs is sitting in her wheelchair one day in a park. All of a sudden she starts to cry. A man walking by sees this and walks up to her. He then asks her why she is crying. She replies "I'm nearly thirty years old and I've never been fucked! Will you help me?" The man can't resist her, she's weak, helpless and bawling her eyes out. So he agrees. He proceeds to push the chair and says that they're going to go somewhere special. They soon arrive at a nearby beach and the man hires a small boat. "How romantic", the girl says. The man lifts the girl out of her chair and seats her in the boat. They then row out some distance. "I told you I would help you and now I will." The man gets up and the girl has a look of excitement on her face. The man picks her up and throws her overboard. "NOW your fucked!" he says and starts to row away.
• I've got a job helping a one armed typewriter write in capitals, it's shift work