Dick jokes

• Why does Cherie always go on top when she shags Tony?Because Tony Blair can only fuck up.
• A man says to his wife, "tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time."His wife replies, "you"ve got a bigger dick than your brother."
• During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners questions the students, one by one."Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" she asked."Just a minute, I have to go piss."The teacher replied "That would be rude and impolite! What about you John, how would you say it?""I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I"ll be right back."The teacher responded, "That"s better, but it"s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table.""And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?""I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you"ll get to meet after supper."
• Why do Jewish fathers have their sons circumcised?They know Jewish women can"t resist anything with 10% off.
• Herb decided to propose to Sandi , but prior to her acceptance Sandi had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.She informed Herb that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her sooo much.However, Herb felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he had a deformity too. Herb looked Sandi in the eyes and said..."I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."She said, "Yes, I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."Sandi and Herb got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon.Herb whisked Sandi off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another... As Sandi put her hands in Herb"s pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room!Herb ran after her to find out what was wrong.She said, "You told me your penis was the size of an infant!""Yes, it is..." exclaimed Herb, "8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long."
• You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn"t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colon"
• This guy is sunbathing naked on the beach with just his cap over his dick when a women passed by and said "If you were a gentleman you"d lift your hat to a lady".He replied "If you wasn"t so fucking ugly it would lift itself".
• "I"ll tell you," George said to Paul, "I"ve learned that arthritis is the cruellest disease.""Crueller than cancer?" Paul asked."You bet," George replied. "It makes every single one of your joints stiff except the right one."
• What"s the worst thing about having a 12 inch dick?You"re a black guy.
• I showed this bird my dick the other night. She said, "that"s small, I thought you said you had at least a foot."I said, "no, I said I had athlete"s foot!"
• A young black lad asked his dad, "Dad, I have the biggest dick in the third grade. Is it because I"m black?" The dad replied "No you dumbass, it"s because you"re 17!"