Diana jokes

• What do you give the princess who has everything?A seatbelt and an airbag.
• What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last big hit was The Wall.
• What happened when Princess Diana found out her driver was drunk?She hit the roof
• Dodo - Dead Di - Died Dodi - Departed Dando - Done for Dido - Better bloody watch out
• What do Princess Diana & John Terry have in common?They both hit the post
• What have Princess Diana and a landmine got in common?They have both been laid by Arabs.
• Why did Diana cross the road? Momentum.
• Why is Princess Diana like the Queen Mum? one died at 101 and the other at 101 mph.
• What would Princess Diana be doing now if she was still alive? Scratching the fuck out the lid of her coffin.
• How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.
• Went to a quiz night the other night and this question came up:"Who was the last member of the royal family to be executed?"Apparently "Diana" was incorrect.
• As the inquest has decided that chasing pack of paparazzi were to blame, perhaps it was unwise to have that "Princess on Board" sticker in the back window!
• Why did Princess Diana cross the road?She wasn"t wearing her seatbelt.
• What"s the difference between Diana and Tiger Woods? Tiger Woods has a better driver.
• Some tips for 4x4 drivers.1. Don"t bother investing in a personal number plate; No-one gives a fuck what your name is. 2. Those little stalks that are next to the steering wheel are "indicators." Use them occasionally.3. Putting a "Princess on Board" sticker isn"t cool, especially if the princess in question is Diana. She must really smell by now.4. "Parent and Child" spaces aren"t really for you if your child is 19, even if she weighs as many stone.5. When parking, try to park in what we call "parking spaces". 6. Be sure to put a "Greenpeace" or a "Save the Earth" sticker on your bumper. Other drivers will enjoy the irony, even if you don"t.7. When people make "wanker" signs at you, it"s because you are a wanker. Learn to live with it.
• Isn"t amazing that Camilla looks exactly like Diana would if she"d survived the car crash
• Freddie Mercury, Versace and Princess Di arrive at the Pearly gates. St Peter explains that only one can get through and that they each have to put forward their case for entry.Freddie says "I know I haven"t led a perfect life and I"ve made some mistakes along the way, but I"ve made some of the most beautiful music in the world. I"ll stand at the back of heaven, and serenade everybody with my wondrous songs, making heaven a far happier place to be.""Pretty good, Fred" said St Peter, "what about you Gianni?"Versace says, "I make the most beautiful clothes in the world. I"ll completely redesign the fashions up here, from the archangels to the cherubs to the choirboys. As you well know Pete if you look good you will feel good and that will make heaven a much happier place""Not bad" says St Peter. "What about you Di?"Diana doesn"t say a word, instead she lifts up her skirt and pulls down her knickers, inserts a full bottle of Evian water into her arse, lets the water shoot up inside her and then gush out all over the floor."Excellent, you"re in" says St Peter."Hold on a fucking minute" says Freddie "She didn"t even say anything""Bollocks, Fred you know the rules" says St Peter, "A royal flush beats a pair of Queens..."