Dentist jokes

• Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap, The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
• Two blokes are sitting in a pub.One says "When I was a kid I was scared to go to the dentist"."Why was that" replied the other man. "Were you scared of the drill?"."No" replies the first man. "My dentist was a paedophile".
• One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says, "I"m sorry, honey, I"ve got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
• My dentist just won "dentist of the year"All he got was a little plaque.
• Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you"re going to smile when you think of this: A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves. "Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked. "No, I don"t," she replied. "Well," he spoofed, "there"s a building in Canada with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size." She didn"t crack a smile."Oh, well. I tried," he thought. But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing. "What"s so funny?" he asked "I was just envisioning how condoms are made!" Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!
• Me old Gran died this morning God bless her.Still, at over 90 she"d had a good innings and she chose a pleasant way to go.She just sat down in a chair, relaxed, closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.She didn"t wake up again.Mind you, she caused fucking havoc in that dental practice!
• I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah."I said "Why?"He said "My dog"s died."
• As you lie back, your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you"re afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it"s the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he"s gentle like he promised he"d be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him - he"s done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it"s too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle, that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
• An old lady visits the dentist, sits in the chair, lowers her pants & lifts her legs in the air."I"m not a Gynocologist" says the dentist.She says, "I Know. I want you to take my husbands teeth out"
• Most dentists" chairs go up and down, don"t they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought, "this is unusual". And the dentist said to me, "get out of the filing cabinet."