Deaf jokes

• Deaf people are so rude.Whenever I try to talk to them they just wave their hands at me.
• Did you hear about the deaf girl that got raped?Neither did she.
• The great thing about being deaf is that having a conversation with someone makes you look like a professional rave dancer
• What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for Christmas?A pinball machine.
• The most happy marriage I would imagine would be that of a deaf man to a blind woman.
• You can say what you like about deaf people...
• When the police arrest a deaf and dumb person, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
• What did the blind, deaf and dumb girl call her dog?Eeeuuuurrrrhhhh!
• An old married couple are attending church one Sunday morning when half way through the vicars sermon the wife says to the husband "I"ve just let out a long, sweaty, silent fart, what should I do?" The husband replies "You should replace the battery in your fucking hearing aid!"
• I met this girl at the weekend and took her home to meet my dad.He whispered to me, "Where the fuck did you get her from, son?! She"s cross-eyed, bow-legged, and she"s got no teeth!"I replied, "There"s no need to whisper, Dad. She"s deaf as well."
• What did the blind, deaf and dumb girl get for Christmas? Cancer.What did the blind, deaf and dumb kid get for her birthday? Raped.What do you do after you have raped a blind, deaf and dumb girl?Break her fingers so she can"t tell mummy.What did the blind, deaf and dumb girl get next Christmas? She didn"t make it.
• A man feared his wife Peg wasn"t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. Here"s what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I"m about 40 feet away, let"s see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what"s for dinner?"No response.So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Peg, what"s for dinner?" Still no response.Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what"s for dinner?" Again he gets no response.So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what"s for dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. "Peg, what"s for dinner?" "Frank , for the FIFTH fucking time, CHICKEN!"
• An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.The gentleman replied, Oh, I haven"t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I"ve changed my will three times!
• Do you think it"s rude for deaf people to talk with food in their hands?
• I was sitting next to a man with jelly in one ear and custard in the other. So I turned to him and said, "are you a trifle deaf?"He said, "no, I"m mentally ill as it happens."