Dead baby jokes
- What is worse than finding a dead baby in your house?Finding your husband beside it with his pants down!
- Part 1:How do you fit 50 babies into a bucket?With a blender.Part 2:How do you get them out again?Doritos.
- How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?It depends how hard you throw them.
- Have you heard the joke about the baby with AIDS?It never gets old.
- Part 1: How do you make a baby crawl in circles?Nail its hand to the floor.Part 2:How do you make it stop?Nail its other hand to the floor.
- After being forced to bathe our young son while my wife watched Titanic, I found a solution to the dilemma that you should never leave a child unattended in the bath. I ripped off the door, threw it in and handed him a whistle before leaving for the pub. I assumed, should the worst happen, my wife would at least laugh at the irony of the situation.
- One of the twin boys found in a pond in Staffordshire has died.I wonder if his parents will keep him for spare parts?
- Why is boiling water asked for when babies are being born?So soup can be made if the baby is stillborn.
- A woman gives birth, and a nurse takes the baby into an adjacent room to clean it up. She re-enters and approaches the mother, the babe wrapped up in a towel in her arms. "Congratulations," she says. "It"s a healthy baby girl." As she says this, she accidentally drops the baby, which promptly lands right on its squishy noggin. "My baby!" screams the mother. "Don"t worry, I"ll get it!" smiles the nurse. However, she unfortunately stumbles and places her foot right on the baby"s face, before accidentally kicking it across the room. It hits the wall with a sickening crack before the nurse runs over to it, peels it off the floor and throws it out of the window. "What are you doing?!" yells the mother. "April Fools!" replies the nurse. "It was already dead!"
- The body of a dead baby has been found dumped at a council recycling centre.That"s disgusting!The signs clearly say; Paper, Metal and Glass only.
- What"s harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?My cock while I"m doing it.
- After my wife gave birth, we asked the doctor if we could take the placenta away to cook and eat.He looked a bit surprised so, with a big smile on my face, I said, "we"ve read it"s nutritious, and a way of celebrating. Haven"t you been asked before?".He said, "well, yes, I have, but not when the baby is stillborn."
- What"s the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?You don"t wear boots when you jump on a trampoline.
- What does a dead baby in an oven look like?I don"t know either, I was too busy wanking.
- What"s more fun than spinning a baby around at 100mph on a rotary washing line?Stopping it with a shovel.
- What"s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?I don"t have a Ferrari in my garage.
- What"s brown and taps on the window?A baby in a microwave.
- What"s small and hangs from the ceiling?A baby on a meat hook.
- What"s funnier than a dead baby in a trash can lid?A trash can lid in a dead baby.
- The Liverpool police arrive at Jamie Bulger"s home and ask his mum,"Did your son take drugs or drink?""Of course not, he"sonly three-why do you ask me that?""We just found him stoned and half cut beside the railway line"
- What"s blue and flies round the room?A baby with a punctured lung.
- what's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree ?
my cock while i'm doing it
- Q: Whats the difference between a dead baby and an apple?
A: You don't cum on the apple before you eat it.
- a woman is in hospital having a baby, the midwife says
come on push, one last big one and its out!
the woman pushes with all her might and surely enough the newborn comes out into the midwifes hands!
the midwife holds up the baby, but SHIT the clumsy cunt drops it onto the floor!
he then picks it and swings it around his head!, and then hands it to the woman, who screams
MY BABY, MY BABY, ITS DEAD! YOU'VE KILLED MY BABY!
the midwife looks at her, smiles and says....
april fools, it was dead anyway!
- What's purple and kicks?
A baby suffocating in a plastic bag.
- How do you load dead babies onto a truck?
- What has four wheels, smokes, and screams?
A bus on fire loaded with babies.