Day jokes

• I went to a car boot the other day. I found an old, brown, bent leathery tool.....Turned out to be David Dickinson
• Spare a thought for Shannon Matthews and her family today......They are still writing out their Fathers Day cards.
• May I be the first to wish everybody a Happy Maddie Day?So lock your kids up, go to a Tapas Bar and have fun!
• Fairy Tale: One day, long, long ago, there was this woman who, surprisingly, did not whine, nag and bitch........ But this was a long time ago..... ......and it was just ONE FUCKING day.
• 24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a crate.Coincidence??
• Which artist had five consecutive hits in one day?John Lennon
• Two Homosexuals are in bed after having sex. One says to the other, "did that make your day?"The other answered, "no, but it did make my whole week"
• Why are women like clouds?Because when they fuck off it"s usually a nice day.
• What"s the most confusing day of the year for a chav?Father"s day.
• I met this bird last night who was a right ugly fucker, I said "What"s your name?""Tuesday" she replied.I said, "that"s a strange name."She said, "yeah, when I was born my mum and dad looked in the cot and said, "I think we"d better call it a day.""