Cum jokes

• The Kama Sutra has announced a new sex position called The Plumber: You stay in all day and nobody comes!
• When I was a kid I thought it was a good idea to go to a Gary Glitter concert.I am not sure what came over me.
• My girlfriend told me she was hoping for a white Christmas......So I spunked in her eyes!
• Why is managing Chelsea like having an ungrateful girlfriend?Because no matter how many times you come second, you still get dumped.
• Two Irishmen had a nightmare day visting the sperm bank in London. Paddy missed the tube and Murphy came on the bus.
• This bloke in the pub last night was boasting that when he orgasms, he ejaculates up to a pint of semen at a time.I found that a bit hard to swallow.
• What do Gary Glitter and a Kodak film have in common?They both come in a small yellow box.
• What do hide and seek and rape have in common?Ready or not, here I come!
• I was shagging the wife last night and, after cumming for the second time, I rolled over.My wife was not impressed and said, "how about finishing me off now?"So I smothered her with my pillow.
• The prison chefs at Paris Hilton"s prison are preparing breakfast. They are pouring porridge into each bowl for the prisoners until they get to Paris" bowl."I"m going to wank in to this," says one chef."Great idea," says the second.Before you know it they"ve all cum in her porridge. Then the guards take the bowl to her cell and have a quick wank in it before delivering it to Paris.Paris looks at the bowl and up at the guards and says "I"m not eating this."The guard laughs and asks, "why not?"Paris replies, "it"s got porridge in it."
• What"s brown and sticky?My poster of Beyonce
• I had an appointment at the sperm bank today, but I had to call up to say I couldn"t come.
• What"s the difference between make-up and semen?Madeleine McCann will never have her face plastered with make-up.