Crime jokes

• For Sale- One glove. Genuine reason for sale: caught shoplifting in Saudi Arabia.
• Home owners are being warned about three keys that have been proven to open 72% of house doors, 86% of motor vehicles and 91% of padlocks.The police have called them pie-keys, dar-keys and pac-keys.
• What are the first words in a Mexican cookbook?Steal a chicken.
• What do you call a first-time offender in Saudi Arabia?Lefty.
• Why do black parents watch Crimewatch?They like to know where their kids are.
• Only in liverpool, can you get a bus to the other side of town and still be at the scene of the crime.
• Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.Poor bastard.
• Remember when?There was no gun or knife crime.You could let your kids play outside with no fear.There were no hoodies or street scum who terrorised the neighbourhood.Old folk could collect their penisions without being mugged.And little girls would get into your car for a bag of sweets or the promise of seeing some puppies.
• I find it shocking that 55% of Europeans are now saying that they avoid coming to Britain through concerns over knife crime, and that each reported knife attack puts off thousands of potential migrants to the UK. Furthermore fear of knife-brandishing homeowners and "no-go areas" is forcing more and more door to door salesmen to quit and find other jobs.And there I was thinking knife crime was a BAD thing. Silly me!
• I"m not a racist - racism is a crime, and crime is for Black people.
• After complaints that there aren"t enough black people on British television, the BBC have vowed to solve the problem.They are now going to show Crimewatch 7 nights a week.
• If you think London knife crime is bad, it"s not. We"ve had 200 murders in the last year where I live, here in the small English village of Midsomer.
• What"s the difference between the government and organised crime?One is organised.
• Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?Because if it walked, it"d get mugged.
• The Government needs to give more money to improve schools in mainly black areas.Barbed wire, watchtowers and searchlights don"t come cheap these days
• It"s in the news that blacks are 7 times more likely to be stopped and searched by the Police.I"m disgusted by this.The police should stop arsing about, blacks are at least 10 times more likely to be doing something wrong and the police should be stopping more of them.