Cop jokes

• Why do niggers have white hands?Because there is a bit of good in all of us.
• A guy gets pulled over by a cop for speeding. As the copper is writing up the ticket, the guy asks..."Can you arrest me for calling you a filthy name?""Yes" replies the cop.He then asks, "Can you arrest me for thinking something?""No" replies the cop."Well then," says the man, "I think you"re a cunt!"
• A police officer pulls a man over for speeding. As the officer approaches the car he can see that the man is very anxious about something."Good afternoon Sir. Do you know why I stopped you?""Yes, officer, I know I was speeding, but it is a matter of life or death.""Oh, really? How"s that?""There"s a naked woman waiting for me at home.""I don"t see how that is a matter of life or death.""If I don"t get home before my wife does, I"m a dead man."
• Two gay blokes are caught up an alleyway by a cop. He grabbed one and the other ran off.He said to the one he caught, "if I catch your mate, I"m gonna shove this truncheon right up his arse!"Then a voice said, "I"m in the bin."
• A blonde was speeding down the road in her little red sports car when she was pulled over by a female police officer who also happened to be a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde"s drivers license. So she dug through her handbag and was getting progressively more agitated when she asked, "what does it look like?"The policewoman replied, "it"s square and has your picture on it."The blonde driver eventually found her compact mirror in her purse, looked into it and handed it to the police-woman."There you go," she said triumphantly.The blonde officer looked at the mirror, handed it back to her and said, "sorry, I didn"t realise you were a cop."
• A Pikey woman is trotting down the road in her horse and carriage when she is pulled over by a cop. "I"m not going to give you a summons, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your carriage," says the cop. "Oh, I"ll let my husband know as soon as I get home," she replies.The cops adds, "another thing, I don"t like the way that one rein loops across the horse"s back and around his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. Have your husband take care of that too. If I catch you again and these problems are not fixed you will have a fine." Later that day, the woman is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop. "Well, what exactly did he say?" asks the bloke"He said the reflector is broken," she answered. "I can fix that in a couple of minutes," he replies. "Anything else?" After thinking she replies, "I"m not sure, something about the emergency brake..."
• A young lad was racing down a one way road when he was pulled for speeding.As the policeman approached he realised the young man was singing:"21 today, 21 today!"The policeman said, "Oh, it"s your birthday. I"ll let you off then"As the young man sped off he ran over a paki."22 today, 22 today!".
• There are 3 niggers sitting in a car. Who"s driving?The cop.
• Paddy is driving home, pissed as a fart. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over because he"s swerving all over the road, so Paddy tells him about all of the trees in the road. The cop says, "for fuck"s sakes, Paddy, that"s your air freshner."
• A cop gave me a ticket last night because my new girlfriend wasn"t wearing the proper restraints while she was riding in my car. On an unrelated note, does anybody know where I can pick up a cheap baby seat?
• A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?" The blonde said, "I"m sorry sir, but wherever I go, there"s always a tree in front of me and I can"t seem to get away from it!" The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that"s your air freshener!"