Come jokes

• How are Michael Jackson and caviar alike?They are both black and come on little white crackers
• I nearly got a girl pregnant today.I came that close.
• What do Gary Glitter and a Kodak film have in common?They both come in a small yellow box.
• Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?Because his wife died.
• My step-daughter always liked happy endings.So when I came I always made sure I laughed.
• I bought a race horse and decided to call it "MY FACE".Just imagine it running down the home straight with all the women shouting "COME ON MY FACE"!!
• A guy runs into an ex-girlfriend, with whom he didn"t have the greatest relationship. "You know, I was with another woman last night, but I was still thinking of you.""Why, because you miss me?""No, because it keeps me from coming too fast."
• This man pulls up in his Merc beside a little boy. He opens the door, holds out a brown paper bag of sweets and says, "alright, little fella - if I give you a sweetie, will you come in my car?"To which the kid replies, "gimme the bag and I"ll come in your mouth!"
• Bill Clinton is walking down a corridor in the White House when he sees a pretty young girl walking towards him."Hello," he says "Are you new here?""Yes," she replies "I started yesterday.""Ah," answers Bill "I thought I hadn"t come across your face before."
• John O"Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here"s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here"s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.""Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.The next day, Mary ran into one of John"s drinking buddies on the street corner.The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he"s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
• A man says to his wife during sex, "Hey, I think I"m gonna come in your ear this time.""Absolutely not!" mutters his wife "I may go deaf!"The Husband says, "Impossible! I"ve been coming in your mouth for the past 10 years and you haven"t shut up since!"
• What"s the difference between an apple and a baby?You don"t ejaculate on an apple before you eat it.