Cold jokes

• If global warming and all that shit happens, what happens to England?It gets fucking colder... fucking typical.
• Going cold turkey.. Its not as delicious as it sounds
• How do you know that your wife has passed away in her sleep?You get a very cold feeling inside.
• It was so cold this morning I actually saw a solicitor with his hands in his own pockets!
• Why do women hate going for a piss the morning after a good sex session?Have you ever tried to open a cold cheese toastie!!
• Due to cold snowy weather conditions expected soon, the Met office has issued a statement , a spokesman said "Make sure that when you drive , that you always carry a flask and a spade, this way you can have a hot drink, while the spade pushes your car!"
• A man is walking past the church one day. He sees two alter boys with their penises stuck in the snow bank.The man asked them, "Why do you have your penises in the snow bank?"The boys quickly replied, "Father Smith always likes to have a couple of cold ones after work."
• A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn"t help.On his next visit the doctor gave him an injection, but that didn"t do any good.On his third visit the doctor told the man, "Go home and take a hot bath. As soon as you finish bathing, throw open all the windows and stand in the draft.""But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I"ll get pneumonia.""I know," said the doctor, "I can cure pneumonia."
• Doctors claim to have found a cure for the common cold. They inject you with Parkinson"s, then you should be able to shake it off in a week.
• What"s the definition of necrophilia?Cracking open a cold one!
• You think it"s cold here?It"s minus 21 in Bridgend.....
• What"s the name of the russian guy who invented a cure for the common cold?Benylin Forchestikov.
• What"s got 4 legs and goes "boo"? A cow with a cold.