Cock jokes

• An American and a Ukranian in front of the urinals. The American pulls out his huge cock and says proudly to the Ukranian: Buffalo Bill!The Ukranian pulls out three enormous cocks and says: Chernobyl!
• A recent survey found that 3% of blokes could suck their own cocks.What a load of rubbish. I mean, if you could suck your own cock, when would you find the time to take part in surveys?
• Little Miss Muffet,Wanked on her tuffet,With a dildo the size of her arm.Along came a nigger,With a cock much bigger,And did her some permanant harm.
• How do you know if your girlfriend is too young for you?You have to make aeroplane noises to get your cock in her mouth.
• My daughter had a charades party for her birthday.After my turn I was beaten up by the other dads.It would seem, that holding my cock and wanking, furiously, while staring at my daughters friends is not the best way to do Gary glitter.
• It is now illegal to wear your clothes on the wrong part of your body.Take Gary Glitter for example; he was jailed for putting a Thai on his cock.
• After a motorway pile up the rescue services approach a car with a man in the front seat. The man is screaming and shouting.In an attempt to calm the situation one of the rescue staff says "Calm down, it could be worse. Your wife, for example, was thrown out of the front windscreen and onto the road."The man replies "Yeah! But did you see what she had in her fucking mouth?!"
• A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son"s innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don"t worry; that was an insect."To which, her son replies, "I"m surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."
• My girlfriend said I"ve got the biggest cock she"d ever seen,That"s one of the benefits of going out with a 10 year old.
• According to Sebastian Coe, "There is no greater feeling than representing your country at the Olympics."Really? Surely having Angelina Jolie sitting on your cock, whilst you snort coke off Jessica Alba"s tits would feel greater?
• A woman goes into her local music store looking for an old record; behind the counter is small young boy.She says: "Excuse me sonny, but do you have Jingle Bells on a 7 inch?" He says: "No, but I"ve got dangling balls on a 9 inch.""That"s not a record is it?""It is for a 10 year old."
• "Oh doctor," moaned the woman to her doctor, "everyone calls me a nymphomaniac.""I understand," said the doctor, "but I"ll be able to take better notes if you"ll let go of my cock."
• There"s an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman all talking about their teenage daughters.The Englishman says, "I was cleaning my daughter"s room the other day and I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn"t even know she smoked."The Scotsman says, "that"s nothing. I was cleaning my daughter"s room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn"t even know she drank." With that the Irishman says, "both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter"s room the other day when I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn"t even know she had a cock."
• A guy goes to the doc's and says "Can you take a look at something and tell me what you think?" "Sure," said the doc, so the fella pulled his cock out and slapped it on the table and said, "have a look at that." The doc looked, and looked and after a while, shrugged and said "that's alright that is." The fella said " I know ... it's a fucking beauty isn't it?"
• Wish I had a 16 inch cock... Rather than this big bastard I got here.