Club jokes

• I love going gay clubbing!My only problem is wiping the blood off my baseball bat afterwards.
• So this baby seal walks into a club.
• I was drunk in a poorly lit nightclub and ended up pulling a transvestite. I took her home and drilled her arse all night.I was furious and disgusted in the morning when I found out she was nigger.
• I used that new Lynx deodorant with a touch of chocolate last night.My mates were pissing themselves, I pulled every fat bird in the club.
• Watching the Olympic 100 metres reminded me of going to a night-club in London.You hear a gunshot and then a dozen niggers go tearing away fast as they can.
• Did you hear about the Muslim strip club? It features full facial nudity.
• A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin"?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he"s been to this club before. "Oh, no," says Dave. "He"s on my bowling team." When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he"d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She"s in the Ladies" Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them." A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Dave"s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."
• Skimpy black dress: £60Sparkly shoes: £80Expensive make-up: £45Nightclub ticket: £10Seeing the look on her face as she wakes up in a filthy flat, covered in semen, you next to her with a massive grin on your face - priceless.There are some things money can"t buy - in which case, use ROHYPNOL.
• Michael Owen is in a nightclub. He spots a gorgeous young lady in there, and he goes up to her, squeezes her arse and asks her if she fancies a shag.She says: "Blimey, you"re a little forward, aren"t you?"
• It"s quite ironic that people with club feet generally aren"t very good at dancing.
• Met a black girl at a club the other night and asked her for a dance. At closing time she asked me if I wanted to take her home. I told her to fuck off i"m not driving to Africa at this time of night.
• I once worked as a comedian at the local Alzheimer"s society club, they liked my first joke so much I told it again and again and again. In fact I told it 26 times. After the show, this old bloke said to me, "I don"t know how you remember them all!"