Christianity jokes

• Why did the Prophet Mohammed marry a six-year-old?Because he was a paedophile.
• Paedophiles are fucking immature arseholes.
• Jesus told us to love everybody.He never said it had to be consensual.
• How do you know Americans are stupid?Christian fundamentalism.
• My brother came home last night and told me he had experienced something fantastic and had been touched by God. I had to call the police because my brother is only 12.
• God came to me in a dream last night..There was buckets of the stuff..
• Jesus walks into a hotel, throws a bag of nails on the counter and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
• I know this guy who has a Paki for a neighbour. His name is Mohammed Islam. I mean, for fuck"s sake, it"s like calling your kid Jesus Christianity
• A young Jewish boy, was doing very badly in his maths lessons. His parents had tried everything to help: private tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers, everything they could think of to help him improve. Finally, in a last ditch effort they took him down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, the little boy came home with a very serious look on his face. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. His mother was amazed. A couple of hours later she called him down to dinner, and to her shock, the minute he was done he marched back to his room without a word and hit the books as hard as before.This went on for some time, day after day while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference. Finally, the little boy brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room, and hit the books. His mother nervously opened the report card and jumped for joy: her little boy had finally got an "A" in maths!She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" The little boy looked at her and shook his head: "No Mommy." "Well, then," she replied, "Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT was it?" The little boy looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign and I knew then they weren"t screwing around..."
• A religious look at Atheism.At least it"s real.
• THE HOLY BIBLE:A book in which, in the first chapter, an all-powerful, all-seeing and all-knowing God creates Mankind in His own image, then spends the remaining sixty-five chapters marking out things that Mankind isn"t allowed to do, see or know.
• The other day, my Christian friend was telling me about a miracle - that he"d had a vision of God.Sure... when God reveals himself, it"s a miracle, but when I did the same at Tesco last week, I got fucking arrested!
• Q - How many Christians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A - Two, but God only knows how they got in there! A - None ... they let the light of God shine through.