Chocolate jokes

• My love for you is like chocolateIt will melt away as soon as something hotter comes along
• What do you get a retard for its birthday?A chocolate shoulder.
• Why did Cadburys invent white chocolate?So black kids can get messy too.
• How do we know God is a man?Because if God was a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate!
• Just been to the gym and there"s a new machine there.I only used it for about an hour, as I started to feel sick, but it"s great: it"s got KitKats, Mars bars, crisps and everything in it.
• Britain"s Paralympic champions were in tears today after their coach explained there is no chocolate inside the gold medals.
• There"s a rumour going around that the rocket that blasted off from Beijing is carrying chocolate bars, but personally I think that it"s just Chinese Wispas.
• My son is three-years-old and I took him shopping. When we got home, he had a chocolate bar in his pocket. Now, I didn"t buy it and he certainly didn"t buy it, so I marched him straight back to the shopping centre - and went to the jewellers.
• So Ryan Giggs has lifted the Champions League cup for a second time.He had a peek inside and there was a Chocolate Orange in it.He said - "It"s not Terry"s, it"s mine!"
• Last Valentine"s day, I gave my girlfriend a single Rose.I ate the rest of the box myself.
• Mr Cadbury and Miss Rowntree met on a Double Decker, it was After Eight. She was from Quality Street, he was a Fisherman"s Friend. On the way home they stopped at a Yorkie Bar, he had a Rum and Butter, she had a Wine Gum. He asked her name, "Polo, I"m the one with the hole," she said. "I"m the one with the nuts," he thought, then he touched her Milky Way. They checked into a hotel and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic. It wasn"t long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt her Cream Egg. He fondled her Flap Jacks, then he showed her his Curly Wurly and Tic Tacs. Miss Rowntree wasn"t keen to have any Jelly Babies so she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard via her Party Ring. He was quite pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge, then he gave her a boost. It was a magic moment as she let out a scream of Turkish Delight. When he pulled out, his king size Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more but he needed a Time Out. However, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetising. He did a Twirl, had a Picnic in her Sherbet Dip and finished off by giving her a Gob Stopper. Unfortunately, Mr Cadbury then had to go home to his wife, Caramel. Sadly, he was soon to discover he had VD. It turned out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett who apparently had Allsorts!
• A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of OAPs when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks her: "Why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?" "We can"t chew them because we"ve no teeth", she replied. "We just love the chocolate around them."