Chinese jokes

• I was in London the other day when I got mugged by two Chinese guys.The police have narrowed it down to 45,000 suspects.
• Tremors from the Chinese earthquake were picked up as far away as Paris.Naturally the French Government issued their unconditional surrender
• I hate those Chinese people, always giving me evils.
• Why did the Olympic fencer die?There was a chink in his armour.
• Did you hear about the look-a-like competition in China?Everybody won.
• I saw some footage of all the Olympic athletes training before the games.The Chinese really stood out for me though, using the same athlete for all of the events.
• This Chinese chap goes into a bank to change some currency, after receiving his money he asks "How come I came in here with same amount of money as yesterday but today I get less yuans in return?"The banker says "Fluctuations"The chinese guy replies... "Fluck you Blitish too".
• I found out today that there are over 1 billion Chinese people in the world......but if there are so many, how come I"ve only ever seen one?
• With the price of food going up, you"ve got to dig deep for a Chinese these days.
• If any members of the Chinese Government or Olympic Organisers are reading this, I would like to make this firm statement on behalf of myself and millions of other Britons- We don"t give a fuck about Tibet. Now please get the beach volleyball started.
• Israel are considering pulling out of the Beijing Olympics due to the smoggy air conditions.The Chinese government says "it"s just harmless mist".An Israeli spokesman says " we are not falling for that one again "
• By the looks on the Chinese Olympian"s faces, they really need to turn those bright arena lights down a bit.
• A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I"m lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?""Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man.""Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn"t keep her eyes off him during the meal.Remembering the old man"s warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn"t hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that"s pretty crappy," he thought. "If that"s the best the old man can do then I don"t have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
• A woman sent her clothing to a Chinese laundry, but when it came back there were still stains on her panties. So the following week she enclosed a note saying, "use more soap on panties." The next day when she picked up her next lot of laundry there was a note on it saying, "use more paper on arse."
• Heard about them new christmas cracker there selling at the chinese super markets in Tenerife. There not bad but theres no hats in them.
• Thay finally got the verdict of the inquest into the deaths of the 18 chinese cockle pickers who drowned off the coast at Morecambe Bay in 2004. Apparently thay were told to get out of the sea when when the sea got to knee high. The thing was Nee Hi had fucked off for a cup off tea!