China jokes

• I see the Chinese have taken Gold in the pistol shooting.The target was kneeling, blindfolded and facing in the other direction.
• So I guess now we can see what happens when everyone in China jumps at the same time...[Reference to 2008 earthquake]
• An insect falls into a mug of beerEnglishman: Throws his mug away and walks outAmerican : Takes the insect out and drinks the beerChinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer awayIndian : Sells the beer to the American, the insect to the Chinese and gets a fresh beer for himselfPakistani : Accuses the Indian of putting the insect in his beer, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for military aid and gets a loan from the American to buy another beer. The Paki then moves to England and claims benefits.
• Why are there no casinos in China?Because the Chinese hate Tibet.
• Now that the NBA players are in China for the Olympics, do you think they will get a chance to meet the six year-olds that make their shoes?
• Olympic organisers are very disappointed that so few local children have been attending Olympic events. But, be fair, how could they? They were at work.
• The Chinese earthquake two weeks ago measured 7.9 on the Richter scale and killed 60,000 people. Yesterdays aftershock measured 5.8, and 400 people were injured.Sequels are never as good as the originals, are they?
• A deaf mute man is working his way up in the Triads and finally gets the job of collecting "protection" money on a small patch in China Town. After a few weeks though he gets greedy and starts to cream off some of the money and stashes it in a safe place. The Triad bosses however soon realise that they are short by about £40,000 and send their best enforcer to sort it out. He finds the deaf mute collector and asks him where the money is, but they can"t communicate so the enforcer drags the guy to one of the poor restaurant owners who he knew could use sign language. "Ask him where the money is." The restaurant owner signs to the man who"d been terrorising the neighbourhood for weeks "Where"s the money?" The deaf mute replies, "I don"t know what you"re talking about." The interpreter tells the enforcer this, who immediately pulls out a gun and points in the collector"s mouth. "NOW ask him where the money is." The terrified deaf-mute signs back, "The £40,000 is in deposit box 542 at Paddington Station and the key is in the glove compartment of my car." The restaurant owner says to the Triad, "He says he still doesn"t know what you"re talking about, doesn"t think you have the balls to pull the trigger, and your mother sucks cock for money."
• A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure... In Africa they didn"t know what "Food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn"t know what "Honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn"t know what "Shortage" meant. In China they didn"t know what "Opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn"t know what "Solution" meant. In South America they didn"t know what "Please" meant. And in the USA they didn"t know what "The rest of the world" meant
• I found out today that there are over 1 billion Chinese people in the world......but if there are so many, how come I"ve only ever seen one?
• So it seems that Chinese gymnast He Kexin may be 14 and not 16 as first claimed.Just when I thought I"d finished wanking over her...
• If any members of the Chinese Government or Olympic Organisers are reading this, I would like to make this firm statement on behalf of myself and millions of other Britons- We don"t give a fuck about Tibet. Now please get the beach volleyball started.
• Some positive news from China after the recent earthquake. They are confident that they will have the largest team at this year"s paralympics