Cheese jokes

• When I was a kid, my dad sat me down and showed me pictures of why I should always wear a condom.Funny thing is, they were all just pictures of me.
• Why is it so hard to eat pussy early in the morning?Ever tried to pry open a cold grilled cheese sandwich?
• I brought some of these flavoured condoms the other day. Said to my wife "Lets have a game, I put one on and you try to guess what favour it is"She closed her eyes went under the blanket and said " cheese and onion flavour"I said " for fucks sake give me time to put one on"
• The person who coined the well known phrase "as different as chalk and cheese" obviously hadn"t tasted Somerfield"s own brand cheddar.
• My father has always said to me: "Son, you"re not a real man until you"ve made a girl gag on your cock whilst giving you head."Which is why I haven"t washed mine for months.
• Did you know that 13% of Americans think parts of the moon are actually made from cheese.If you think that"s scary, you don"t want to know what President Bush thinks about the city of Philadelphia.
• Did you hear about the cheesegrater Stevie Wonder"s wife got him for his birthday?The most violent book he"s ever read.
• What"s Michael Jackson"s favourite thing to eat?Baby Bell
• Why don"t guys like to perform oral sex on a woman the morning after sex?Have you ever tried pulling apart a toasted cheese sandwich?
• Some Interesting Sexual PerformancesThe Spiderman: Ejaculating on your hand and then slapping someone with that hand, when said hand leaves the face a distinct web can be seenThe Campino (aka The Strawberry Cheesecake): Ejaculating all over your sexual partners face then punching them right in the nose, the mix of blood and semen looks like one of those Campino Sweets.The Donkey Punch: While in the act of anal sex, punch your sexual partner at the point where the head meets the neck, the anal sphincter then tightens, producing an effect that most would call "more desirable"Please feel free to add to this list![Addition: The Dirty Sanchez: A surprise attack whereby you stick a finger into your partner"s anus, then use the finger to draw a moustache on her top lip. This one cost me my second marriage, but lol it was worth it!][Addition: The Spiderman 2: When you"re fucking her from behind, pull out, spit on her back and cum in your hand. When she turns around, flick it in her eye][Addition: The Angry Pirate: Cum in her eye then kick her in the shin][Addition: The Rusty Hook: stick your finger up your anus then choose some body at random and hook the inside of their cheek using the same finger][Addition: The superman . . . bend her over fuck her up the arse before you cum pull it out and cum on her back then slap a blanket on when she stands up shes got a cape. . . u might recognise this from souljah boy "Superman that hoe"!!][Addition: Surprise Sex....................................Rape][Addition Adam Ant Sex- Leave a stripe across her nose][Addition: the penguin-- whilst fucking a girl in her arse, spit on her back so she thinks youve comed, when she turns around, punch her in the eye, and fuck her harder, then the net day youll see her wadleing like a penguin, with one dark eye :][Addition: Superman 2 -- when ur girlfriend won"t shag you, wait till shes asleep then have a wank, cum up her back and stick the sheet to her, when she wakes up it will be stuck like a cape (and yes ive done it.)
• There once was a mouse called Keith Who circumcised boys with his teethIt wasn"t for leisure Or sexual pleasureBut to get to the cheese underneath