Chav jokes

• I looked out in my garden this morning and there was a chav fumbling with the lock to my shed.Give it a couple of days and I might let him out.
• A Vauxhall Nova with three chavs inside crashed into the sea last night, killing all three of them. Why is it a waste?A Nova seats four.
• What do you call a chav in a suit?The accused.
• What do you call a chav in a tastefully decorated house? A burglar.
• Apparently 60% of kids are overweight, and 72% of kids are having underage sex......So who is shagging all the fat kids?
• Where does a female chav go to lose weight? The abortion clinic.
• Police are now saying that the body of a young British girl found in a suitcase in Brazil may not be Cara Burke. Apparently, it wasnt a Burberry suitcase and her family have stated that Cara would not be seen dead in it.
• What do you call a female chav with two brain cells? Pregnant.
• I was walking home last night when some chav jumped out and drew a knife on me. The little fucker used permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash off.
• Two chavs race their Novas off a cliff to see who hits the bottom first. Who wins?Society.
• In Britain, some 50 chavs die every week from drinking too much Tesco-brand vodka.Every little helps!
• A couple want to have a bash at anal sex, but the woman decides to play it safe and seek medical advice first."Anal sex is perfectly safe," says her doctor, "as long as you take it slowly at first and use plenty of lubricant. And you take care not to get pregnant, of course.""What?" says the woman incredulously, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?""Certainly," replies the doc, "where do you think chavs come from?"
• Following the recent media frenzy about youth crime, Gordon Brown has said he is targetting "problem families" Me too! Last weekend I burned down two council houses.
• Why are chavs like slinkies?They have no real use but it"s great watching one fall down a flight of stairs.
• A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi, I"m looking for a job."The man behind the counter replied, "Your timing is amazing. We"ve just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You"ll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes, uniform provided. Because of the long hours of this job, meals will also be provided and you will also be required to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The salary package is £200,000 a year."The scouser said, "You"re bullshitting me!"The man behind the counter replied, "Well, you bloody started it."
• A hoodie goes to an East End library to get out a book. The assistant says, "in order to borrow a book, you need to prove you"re a citizen of London."So he stabs him.
• Two chavs are in a car, and no music is playing. Who"s driving? The police.
• What"s the most confusing day of the year for a chav?Father"s day.
• My chav cousin came round this morning.Shame. If I"d hit him harder he"d still be out cold.
• Jesus once said, "Love thy neighbour."Bet he didn"t live on a fucking council estate.
• Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?Because if it walked, it"d get mugged.
• Why doesn"t Viagra work on chavs?Cos they only get hard when they"ve got ten mates behind them.