Cellar jokes

• The Austrians have taken their fondness for the Sound of Music too far. They even have their own Von Trapped family.
• In Austria, no-one can hear you scream.
• In a recent poll asking when was the best time to inform children of the facts of life, 9 out of 10 Austrians said they should be kept in the dark.
• I was getting ready to go out when I noticed a nasty smell.At first I thought it was me but then I relaxed.I realised that I needed some more quicklime in the cellar.
• If salt is kept in salt cellars, and wine kept in wine cellars, where are knives kept?Monica Seles
• What does an Austrian father do when his daughter reaches 18?Cellar!
• Austrian Women are like good wine....left to mature in a cellar.
• Celebrity parents everywhere have been congratulating Josef Fritzl on his unusual but successful attempt at forcing fame on his children.
• When asked on teaching his kids about sex education, Joseph Fritzl said the best way to teach them was by keeping them in the dark for as long as possible.
• Austrian authorities have said that Josef Fritzl has been improving as a father as of late. In fact, police have said that he has "Been coming into his own".
• After it emerged that a man locked his daughter in a cellar for 24 years and inflicted beatings and rape, the world reacted with shock upon hearing the news. All except the Muslim community who couldn"t understand what all the fuss was about.
• Why don"t Austrians care whether their lovers are 4, 14 or 40 years old?Because one size Fritz-all.
• You know you"ve got a shit sex life when some woman locked in a cellar for 24 years is getting it more than you!!.....
• I never believed in all that psychic shit until today! My mate dragged me into this Mystic Meg tent, and she turns to me and says, "I see a child in your life, but all is not well there. You must take special care"Scared the life out of me! So I phoned the wife and told her. She replied"It"s a bloody good thing you called! You left the bolt on the cellar door unlocked, the little fucker was almost out the front door!"
• In my cellar, I"ve got Beer, a Dartboard and a Pool tableTrust the fucking Austrians to go one better.
• Eric notices that the fire is getting low so he gets out of his armchair and goes to get more logs to put on it. As he opens the cellar door, he sees his son masturbating halfway down the steps. Softly, he says, "son, I know what it is that you are doing. Do not waste your seed but, rather, save it until you are a man and can put it to good use." Then he closes the door and returns to his chair.Years later, it is the son"s sixteenth birthday and he goes to his father and says, "Father, you remember that day on the cellar steps? Well, I heeded your words. Now I"ve got eight barrels of the stuff - what do I do with it?"