Car crash jokes

• What would Princess Diana be doing now if she was still alive? Scratching the fuck out the lid of her coffin.
• It annoys me when people claim they were more hurt when Princess Diana died than when they lost a member of their own family. I was genuinely hurt. Her car knocked me clean off my motorbike, plus my camera was ruined.
• How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.
• Four Muslims extremists have died in a car crash on the outskirts of Birmingham.Police describe their condition as satisfactory.
• BREAKING NEWS!Elephant Man involved in horrible car crash.Police say it was a freak accident.
• I asked the girlfriend what she wanted for Valentines Day. She said that she wanted to be treated like a Princess.So I took her to Paris, got hammered on a night out, then crashed our car into a bridge support, killing her instantly.
• Dodi: Do you fancy going out tonight?Diana: Nah, lets just go back to yours and crash
• Two blokes are sitting in a pub.One says "I gave my wife some flowers last night"."Really, did she like them" asked the second man?"No" says the first bloke "she found the label"."What, did she find out how much they cost ?" asked the second man."No. She found out she was not a family who died in a car crash".
• I went out with a girl last week, she told me she wanted to be "treated like a Princess"So I put her in the back of a Mercedes and drove it into a wall.
• A Geordie and a mackem get into a nasty car accident. Both vehicles are really wrecked, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.After they crawl out of their cars, the Mackem says, "so you"re a Geordie, that"s interesting. I"m a Sunderland fan... Wow! Just look at our cars. There"s nothing left but, fortunately, we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."The Geordie replied, "I totally agree - this must be a sign from God!" The Geordie went on, "and look at this - here"s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn"t break. Surely God wants us to drink it, to celebrate the fact we are alive and kicking?"He hands the bottle to the Mackem who nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the Geordie. The Geordie takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the Mackem. The Mackem asks, "aren"t you having any?"The Geordie replies, "nah...I think I"ll just wait for the police......"
• Gary answers the telephone, and it"s a Casualty doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."Gary says, "My God. What"s the good news?" The doctor says, "I"m kidding. She"s dead!"
• I was driving down the motorway the other day, when I crashed into the back of a 4x4.Out stepped a midget. He walked up to my car and he said to me,"I"m not fuckin happy!" To which I replied, "Which one are you then?"