- What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?Wiped his arse.
- What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbitt?You gonna eat that?
- What is the most disappointing and digusting thing to a cannibal?A spoiled child.
- A cannibal comes back from holiday and meets some of his mates in the pub, who ask how his holiday was..."had a great time"then one of his mates asks "why have you got a leg missing?"the cannibal replies,"it was a self catering holiday!"
- Did you hear about the cannibal who only ate vegetables?He particularly like the ones with Down"s Syndrome
- Two men are shipwrecked and manage to make it onto an uncharted island where they are approached by a large group of cannibals who can amazingly speak English.The cannibals tell them that they have a chance to live on this island without being eaten so long as they pass the "Ordeal of Fruit", the surviors accept the challenge with little pondering and the Cannibals send the pair off to individually collect one hundred pieces of fruit each and then report back to them.The first survivor returns with one hundred grapes and cannibals instruct him to shove each grape into his anus without wincing or laughing or he will be killed on the spot.However just as the first grape reaches his butt hole he bursts out laughing.The cannibals ask why he is laughing and he replies "I"m sorry, it"s just that my friend is collecting pineapples!"
- Two cannibals come across a missionary in the jungle. After killing the man, they decide to split the body evenly. "Look," said one cannibal. "I"ll start at the head, and you start at the feet, and we"ll meet in the middle."So the two begin to devour the man"s body. After a short while, the cannibal at the head looks up and says, "How"s it going down there?""I"m having a ball!" replied the other."No!" shouted the first cannibal. "You"re eating too fast!"
- A meteor struck Earth and the sole surviving man wakes up to see himself surrounded by hundreds mutated cannibals ready to eat him alive at any second.The man was in shock, and whispered to himself, "Oh my God... I"m fucked."The clouds parted and a ray of light made its way down to where the man was. Gods voice spoke to him saying "No.. you are not fucked, don"t worry. Throw that piece of rock in front of you as hard as you can to the cannibal with the biggest head mask."The man hits the Chief of the tribe right on the forehead with the rock. And with that, he collapsed to the floor.God: "Now you"re fucked."
- The ambassador of a small African nation chanced to visit Russia, and was entertained by his opposite number, the Russian ambassador. For three days, the African ambassador was wined, dined, and generally treated to the best hospitality that Russia had to offer.On the final day of his visit, the Russian ambassador said, "As your stay is coming to an end, it is time for you to play our traditional game, Russian roulette. One of the six chambers of this gun is loaded. You spin the cylinder, point the gun at your head, and pull the trigger."This fazed the African slightly, but he was a proud man of a warrior people, and to show fear would be unthinkable. Both men took their guns, spun the cylinders, and then pulled the triggers.Both chambers were empty, and both ambassadors breathed a sigh of relief. The African ambassador was very impressed with the courageous game, and thought hard about the subject before the Russian Ambassador was due to visit his country the next year.A year later, the African ambassador treated the Russian with all hospitality, until the final day of his stay. Leading him to a private room in the palace, the African ambassador spoke, "Now it is time for you to sample our game, African roulette." So saying, he led the Russian into the room where the only occupants were six beautiful, naked women.The African ambassador said, "These women are the most beautiful members of one of our tribes. Any one of them will give you a blowjob. Take your pick."The Russian was not entirely averse to this idea, but he couldn"t see the connection with Russian Roulette. He said, "Well, great, but where"s the roulette part? Where"s the danger?"With a big grin on his face, the African ambassador answered, "One of them is a cannibal."
- Madeleine McCann"s sister: "Mummy, I hate my sister"s guts".Madeleine McCann"s mother: "Just shut up and eat what you are given".
- A big mining company recently hired several cannibals. "You are all part of our team now", said the HR manager during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don"t eat any of the other employees".The cannibals promised they would not.Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You"re all working very hard, and I"m satisfied with you. However, one of our Admin"s has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened?"The cannibals all shook their heads indicating "no".After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the Admin ?"A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool! For four weeks we"ve been eating Managers and Supervisors and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat someone important!
- A cannibal walks into the clearing his tribe uses for a toilet. He sees his best friend having a shit and crying his eyes out.
"What's wrong with you?" he asks.
His pal looks up at him with watery eyes and asys "I've just dumped my girlfriend."