Cake jokes

• A piece of 27-year-old cake from the wedding of Prince Charles and Princess Diana has been sold to an anonymous bidder at auction for 1,200 pounds.I reckon it was Vanessa Feltz, that fat bitch will do anything for cake.
• Why is your mum so fat? Every time she swallows, I buy her a cake.
• How do you get a fat girl into bed? ....... Piece of cake !!
• I crashed my new Skoda today - fucking disaster, there was jam and cake all over the road....
• Emo cakeThe cake that cuts itself
• Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after its been eaten. Its called fucking wedding cake!
• A man walks into a fishmongers with a salmon under his arm."Do you sell fishcakes?" he asks."Of course," says the fishmonger."Oh good," says the man,"it"s his birthday!"
• A man is stranded in the desert and has not eaten or drunk anything for nearly 36 hours. He is about to die. Amazingly, as he stumbles through the sand, he comes to three market stalls. The man (half-thinking he must be hallucinating) approaches the first stall and demands, "I need water, sell me some water.""Sorry, Sir," replies the stall owner, "I only sell custard."The man, visibly taken aback, goes up to the second stall and again asks for water."I"m afraid I only sell sponge cake and cream," replies the second stall owner.The man turns in disbelief to the final stall and begs, "please, I need water now or I"ll die.""Sorry Sir, I only sell hundreds and thousands," replies the final stall owner.His fatigue momentarily forgotten the man demands, "You mean to tell me that the three of you all own market stalls in the middle of the desert and none of you sell water?""I know, Sir," says the first stall owner, "it"s a trifle bazaar."
• Heinrich Himmler was having a suprise party for Hitler.As Hess, Goering and Goebbels jumped up, Hitler looked surprised and exclaimed"If I had known you were coming I"d have baked a Kike"
• It"s easy to distract fat people. It"s a piece of cake.
• Little Johnny is in school and it is near christmas time so the kids are giving presents to the teacher.Little Ross stands up to give his present. The teacher knows his parents are choclatiers. She takes the wrapped present and says, "This is a box of chocolates isn"t it?". Ross says, "Yes miss how did you guess?" and she replies, "It was just a random guess Ross thank you."Little Jenny stands up and the teacher knows her parents work at the local bakery. She takes the present and says, "This is a cake in a tin isn"t it?" Jenny says, "Yes miss how did you guess?" and she again replies, "It was just a random guess Jenny thank you."Little Johnny stands up and gives his present to the teacher. She knows his parents work at the brewery. She sees that the present is leaking so she takes a sip and says, "This is a can of Newcastle Brown Ale isn"t it?" Little Johnny shakes his head. She takes another sip. "Right this is a bottle of Red Wine then?" Again, Johnny shakes his head. She eventually gives in and says, "Ok Johnny I give in what is it?"And through his wide smile Johnny says, "A puppy miss!"
• Once a year my village holds a market for the locals to sell their wares. I baked a couple of cakes to flog - one was priced at a pound, and the other one was a fiver.A chap stopped at my stall and looked at the cakes, before pointing at the one costing a fiver and asking, "what type of cake is that one, then?"I replied, "That"s Madeira cake!"