Bush jokes

• Crawford, Texas (Associated Press Release) -A tragic fire this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The fire began in the presidential bathroom where both of the books were kept. Both of his books have been lost. A presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished colouring the second one.
• What do you call a retard in a fancy suit?The President of the United States.
• Just a mere coincidence that the abbreviation for the war against terror is T.W.A.T? I think not.
• George W. Bush and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad meet in Tehran for peace talks following recent hostilities. As they"re sat down, Bush notices three buttons on the side of his chair.He pushes the first one and a boot comes flying out of nowhere kicking him in the shins. The Iranian president falls about laughing.He pushes the second button and a boxing glove comes flying through the air and hits him in the face. Again the Iranian president pisses himself laughing.He pushes the third button tentatively and another boot comes flying out of nowhere and kicks him in the balls. Eyes watering, he falls to the floor while the Iranian president struggles for air as he"s laughing so hard.Bush staggers to his feet and announces that he"s going to Washington - the Iranian president will be welcome to resume talks in three days.Three days pass and the Iranian president arrives in Washington for the talks. As he sits down in his seat he notices three buttons on the side. Eyeing them suspiciously, he presses the first one.Nothing happens........ Bush starts giggling.He winces as he pushes the second one. Again, nothing.... Bush starts laughing harder.He grimaces as he pushes the third one. Once more, nothing happens..... Bush falls out of his seat laughing.The Iranian president gets up in a huff and announces, "I"m going back to Iran."Gasping for air, Bush replies, "what Iran?"
• George W Bush and Gordon Brown are shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future. The both decide to test it by asking a question each. George goes first"What will the USA be like in 100 years time"The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out "The country is in good hands under the new president, crime is non-existant, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy. There are no worries"Gordon Brown thinks "Its not bad this time machine, I"ll have a bit of that" so he asks "What will Britain be like in 100 years time?"The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout. But he just stares at it."Come on Gordon" sys Geroge, "Share what it says""I can"t read it George! Its all in Punjabi!"
• You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn"t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colon"
• It"s been 7 years now since 9/11, and I can"t help wondering......has George Bush finished reading My Pet Goat yet?
• Did you know that 13% of Americans think parts of the moon are actually made from cheese.If you think that"s scary, you don"t want to know what President Bush thinks about the city of Philadelphia.
• Why does Rafa keep rotating his squad?To keep the robbers guessing who"ll be at home on matchdays!
• A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier. A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had happened. "Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, "Saddam Hussein is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash!"" "He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, "George W. Bush is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!"" "We were standing there shaking hands when a truck hit us."
• George Bush senior talking to his son:"I made the same mistake with your mother that you did in Iraq... I didn"t pull out in time."