Burns jokes

• Simon Weston has launched a new website to help wounded Falklands veterans stay in touch.www.friends-reignited.com
• One of the Glasgow bombers, Singed Majeep, is complaining that all he gets in hospital to eat is haggis, neeps and tatties. What the heck does he expect in the Burns unit?
• How do patients in a burns unit pick their noses?From a catalogue.
• Do burns victims get a discount if they"re cremated?
• Simon Weston"s children are getting baptised. It is this Sunday at 7pm at the Weston"s local chip shop.
• An English doctor is being shown around a Scottish hospital. At the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward with a number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury. He goes to examine the first patient he sees, and the man proclaims: "Fair fa" yer honest, sonsie face, Great chieftain o" the puddin" race!" The English doctor, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient, and immediately the patient launches into: "Some hae meat and canna eat, And some wad eat that want it." This continues with the next patient: "Wee sleekit cow"rin tim"rous beastie, O what a panic"s in thy breastie!" "Well," the English doctor mutters to his Scottish colleague, "I see you saved the psychiatric ward for the last." "Oh no," the Scottish doctor corrected him, "this is the serious Burns unit."
• Nurses reported the Cherokee Jeep"s driver is now talking in his hospital bed saying things like "wee sleekit cowering timourous beastie" and "a mans a man for aw that".Apparently this is normal behaviour for patients in the Serious Burns Unit.