Brothel jokes

• Gordon Brown never goes to brothels like most politiciansHe can just go to the local petrol station, hes already fucked everyone there
• My girlfriend came downstairs in this very sluttish dress the other night and I said, "you look like you"re about to go to a fucking brothel."She said, "well, what if I am?"I replied, "you can give me a lift."
• I nervously stepped through the door of the local brothel today.First time I"ve seen the outside world in weeks!
• A man is sitting at home feeling horny as hell. He digs around the house for loose change and comes up with $10, and heads for the local brothel. He approaches the madam and says, "I only have $10 but I am so horny! Please, please I just want to fuck something!" The madam says, "OK, If you"re that desperate I"ll let you fuck a goat." The madam instructs him to go to the first door on the right. Once there, he sees a goat tied to the corner and a large mirror on the wall. He proceeds to go behind the animal and fucks away like crazy. He finishes and leaves. A couple of days later, he feels horny again, digs around and finds $5. He goes back to the brothel and tells the madam he only has $5 but he"s really horny and wants to fuck the goat again. She tells him he fucked the goat so hard he killed it. Instead, she could let him watch two women mud wrestle for $5. The guy agrees and she instructs him to go to the second door on the right. He walks into a dark room and sees a few guys sitting in front of a large window watching two women mud wrestle. He sits down and says to one of the other guys, "This is great." The other guy says, "Yeah, but you should have been here a couple of days ago when they had some guy fucking a goat!"
• A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen Darlin, I ain"t horny. I"m homesick."
• A Scottish mate of mine is into "Heavy S and M." He enjoys nothing better than being beaten up by a vicious woman whilst naked and vulnerable. Anyway, he was telling me that he goes to brothels for this several times a week."Fuck me," I said, "that must cost you a fortune!" "Nah," he replied, "I just book a normal service, fuck her, then tell her I haven"t got any money."
• This woman is walking past a brothel, when she notices a sign which reads Celebrity SexWayne Rooney £500 per nightAndrew flintoff £700 per nightFather Christmas £2000 per nightso she goes in to enquire about the price list, the manager tells her that the reason wayne rooney is so cheap is because he "dribbles before he shoots",and the reason that andrew flintoff is cheap is because "once he"s in , you can"t get him out" , then she asks " why is father christmas so expensive?", and the manager says " well , he only comes once a year , but he"ll fill yer fucking stockings"
• A guy goes to the doctor and says, "My best mate and I went to a brothel and he"s afraid he may have caught some kind of disease, what should he do?The doctor says, "OK, get your trousers down and let"s have a look at your best mate!"
• I thought I"d try the local brothel last night. Fifty quid for a blow job! I"m going down the pub tonight to spend my hundred quid.
• A sailor goes into a brothel in Rio.He slaps (the equivalent of) 200 quid on the bar and say "gimme the ugliest, droopy-titted slag in the house, preferably with stubble on her chin!"The madame replies "Fucking hell, for 200 quid you can have all night with my best girl!" He increases his offer to 300 quid!The madame says "for that price, you can have me as well!"The sailor says "for fuck"s sake woman I"m not feeling horny, I"m fucking homesick!"
• The government has announced they will spend £150,000,000 on kitchens to help fight obesity.Isn"t that like opening brothels to help fight promiscuity?