Deprecated: mysql_pconnect(): The mysql extension is deprecated and will be removed in the future: use mysqli or PDO instead in /home/gordondent/hahasincludes/libs/dblib.php on line 17 Breasts jokes - HaHas.co.uk | Ha HA Jokes
Why is the part of a woman between her hips and her breasts called a waist?Because they could have easily fitted in another pair of tits there.
Our 15 year old daughter has been diagnosed with breast cancer.But, on the upside, our 13 year old is developing a nice pair.
How do you make a 2lb lump of fat attractive?Put a nipple on it.
Scientists have discovered that the average tit weighs 1.5kg, but they cannot work out the average weight of a cunt.So if you could pop on the scales and ring me back.
A guy walks into a whorehouse and says, "I want the best whore you have."The madam tells him the only whore she has left is a 97 year old woman.He thinks about it for a moment and says, "okay."They start fucking and he starts sucking her tits and he gets some milk out. He was surprised but keeps on sucking and fucking.When he was done he said, "I thought you would be to old to have breast milk!"She said, "I am to old to have breast milk but I am not to old to have breast cancer."
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and, as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma"am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you"ll forgive me."She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I"m in room 436."
I took this girl out for a meal last night, she had frog"s legs and chicken breasts... but she had a fucking lovely personality, bless her!!
A woman was breast feeding her baby, when she noticed the window cleaner watching her. Indignantly, she said, "what do you think you"re staring at?"He replied, apologetically, "when I was a baby, I was bottle fed so I was just fascinated."The woman says, "well, baby"s had enough but there"s some left if you want to find out what it"s like."The window cleaner climbed in through the window and started to feed. After a short time, the woman realised that she was becoming aroused and she asked, "would you like a little bit of some thing else?"He replied, "have you got a rusk?"
I was on the tube this morning sat next to a woman with a baby.She said, "Do you mind if I breast feed?"I said, "No, but don"t suck my nipple too hard".
What"s brown and lumpy?Trisha Goddards tit.
Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a whore house. When they arrived at the house, the Madam took one look at them and decided she wasn"t going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put a doll in each man"s room and left them to their business. After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking. The first man said,"I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or groaned. How was it for you?"The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch."The first man asked, "How"s that?""Well," said the second man, "when I nibbled on her breast, she farted and flew out the window!"
Rebecca Adlington is fantastic at the Breaststroke.I"ve spent the last hour wondering how good she is at the Cock Stroke
I decided it was time to discover my "feminine" side. It"s going well - I"ve found out if I strip naked, bend over double and look back in the mirror I can make my buttocks look like breasts!
Herb decided to propose to Sandi , but prior to her acceptance Sandi had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.She informed Herb that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her sooo much.However, Herb felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he had a deformity too. Herb looked Sandi in the eyes and said..."I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."She said, "Yes, I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."Sandi and Herb got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon.Herb whisked Sandi off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another... As Sandi put her hands in Herb"s pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room!Herb ran after her to find out what was wrong.She said, "You told me your penis was the size of an infant!""Yes, it is..." exclaimed Herb, "8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long."
What`s got 3 breasts and can"t sing?Kylie and Dannii Minogue.
A guy proposed a one pound bar bet to a full figured girl. Despite her dress being buttoned to the neck, he bet he could touch her breasts without touching her clothes. Since this didn"t seem remotely possible, she was intrigued and accepted the bet. He stepped up, cupped his hands around her breasts and squeezed firmly. With a baffled look, she said, "Hey, you touched my clothes." And he replied: "Okay. I owe you a pound."
My sister"s on page three of The Sun today!It"s great for my family - I can cover up her tits and still show my mum, and cover up her face and still bang one out.
A British company is developing computer chips that store music in women"s breast implants.A company spokesperson declares this a major breakthrough, as women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts without listening to them.
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her tiny breasts. Dr. Smith advised her, "Every day after your shower rub your chest and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies." She did this faithfully for several months and it worked! She grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic realised she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn"t recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies." A guy sitting nearby looked at her, "By any chance, are you a patient of Dr. Smith"s?" "Why, yes I am... How did you know?" He leaned closer, winked and whispered, "Hickory dickory dock..."
A woman goes to the doctors complaining that every time she takes her bra off a black mans head pops out from between her breasts, sticks its tongue out and pulls stupid faces."I know what the problem is" says the doctor, "you"ve got sillycoon implants."