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First Jade Goody gets Cancer, then her boyfriend gets sent to jail. Can anything get worse for her?I fucking hope so, she is the source of some of my best material.
My Bird asked me to kiss her somewhere nice and moist !!!!!!!!!I took her to Tewkesbury.
A girl brought her boyfriend home late one night. With her parents being asleep in bed, she asked him to be quiet. So when he said he was desperate to use the bathroom , rather than sending him upstairs and risk waking her parents, she told him to use the kitchen sink instead. A few minutes later he popped his head around the door."Have you finished" she whispered."Yeah" he said, "Have you got any paper?"
Girlfriend, "Do you believe in puppy love?"Boyfriend, "I"ve tried it once, but their arses are too tight."
Jade Goody"s boyfriend has been jailed for 18 months today for attacking a 16-year-old boy with a golf club.I wonder if she will be waiting for him when he comes out?
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home.As they are about to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her: "Darling, would you give me a blow job?"Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"Him: "Oh come on! Who"s gonna see us at this hour?"Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"Him: "Oh come on! There"s nobody around, they"re all sleeping!"Her: "No way. It"s just too risky!"Him (horny as hell): "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"Her: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can"t!"Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?"Her: "No, no. I just can"t"Him: "I beg you ... "Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl"s 13 year old sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair dishevelled, and in a sleepy voice she says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job. Otherwise I can do it. Or if need be, dad says he can come down himself and do it. But for fuck sake! Tell him to take his hand off the intercom..."
A young Mum wrote:While, I was recovering from surgery and spending most of the day in bed, my seven year old son asked me why I didn"t get a boyfriend, since my husband (his Dad) had run off. I told him the television is my new boyfriend, he entertains me all the time. And, even though he sometimes doesn"t start, I just give it a few hard whacks on the side and it comes back on and I"m happy as a lark for hours. He was satisfied with the explanation and walked away. Sunday the pastor stopped by to check on my recovery. My son answered the door. The pastor smiled and asked, "Is your Mom busy, son?" My little one looked up at him and replied, "Yes, sir, she"s in the bedroom banging her new boyfriend and once she gets him started, she"ll be happy for hours!"
This girl was riding in a car with her boyfriend. She got bored and said "Every time you speed up 5MPH I"ll take some clothes off." Well, this went on for about 15 minutes until she was naked and he was going about 95MPH. They lost control of the car and crashed into a tree.The guy was hurt pretty badly and his car door was crushed to the point where he couldn"t open it. His naked girlfriend was fine and could get out of the car. So, she took her boyfriend"s shoe and put it in front of her beaver and covered her chest with her arm. She flagged down a car. Without thinking she said "HELP MY BOYFRIEND IS STUCK AND HE CAN"T GET OUT!!" The guy in the car looked at the shoe on her crotch and his eyes got really big. He said "If he is that far in, he"s not coming out!"
A worried farther confronted his daughter one night."I don"t like your new boyfriend, he"s rough, he"s common, and fucking stupid too."The daughter replied, "Oh no daddy, Fred"s ever so clever. We"ve only been going out nine weeks, and he"s already cured me of that illness I used to get once a month."
A cheating wife is having sex with her lover when the phone rings. She picks it up, listens for a couple of minutes, puts it down and says, "that was my husband."Worried, her lover starts to put his clothes on."Calm down," she says, "we"ve got plenty of time. He"s playing cards with you and the rest of his mates."