Bomb jokes

• Just been to my first Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick!
• Are you Arab? Sick of been treated as a terrorist?I have a solution for you, buy a fucking transparent Rucksack
• Two muslims walk into a bar. Boom Boom!
• Twenty three people have been found glued to the ceiling and walls of a train station in Dublin.Police believe Irish Muslims have set off the first NO MORE NAILS bomb.
• The Met police found a bomb outside Finsbury park mosque.Luckily they managed to push it inside before it went off.
• Scottish Police today said a third Pakistani was seen going out at the rear of the terminal. Police are pleased to report they got the cunt going again with some petrol and wood!
• Scottish police have named the two terrorist suspects arrested over the weekend as Sinj Mejhep and Maheed Onfaya
• My old dad used to say that during the war, the only bomb you ever needed to worry about was the one with your name on it.That used to scare the shit out of his neighbours, Mr & Mrs Doodlebug.
• End Political Correctness......Kill a Muslim!
• They decided to take the blue smarties out of the tube as they were causing harm to the public?It would have been a smarter idea to remove the browns from the tube ... as this would have prevented the london bombings.
• Have you ever sat on a plane, next to an irritating seatmate who keepstalking to you and snooping at everything you are reading?Next time just follow these simple instructions, and get ready toenjoy your well-earned privacy:1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.2. Remove your laptop and open it.3. Start up.4. Make sure the annoying guy can clearly see the screen.5. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky - take a very deepbreath6. Open the following web address:http://tinyurl.com/34fzpf
• Jeez, I nearly shat myself today - I was sitting on the tube when I heard a loud ticking noise. No worries though - I looked to my left and saw a teacher marking a school book.
• Liverpool airport has been shut for the past 8 hours due to a "Suspicious car". Apparently it had tax, insurance and the radio was still in it.
• Two Middle Eastern mothers are sitting in the cafe strip chatting over a pintof goat"s milk. The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and startsflipping through pictures and they start reminiscing."This is my oldest son Mohammed. He"s 24 years old now.""Yes, I remember him as a baby," says the other mother cheerfully."He"s a martyr now though," mum confides."Oh so sad dear," says the other."And this is my second son Khalid. He"s 21.""Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born"."He"s a martyr too," says mum quietly."Oh gracious me ...." says the other."And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He"s 18," she whispers."Yes," says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school"."He"s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.After a pause and a deep sigh, the second muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says... "They blow up so fast, don"t they?"
• Muslim fundamentalists have got to be the shitest terrorists in history.Even the fuckin" Irish worked out you could walk away from a bomb before it blows up!
• George W. Bush and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad meet in Tehran for peace talks following recent hostilities. As they"re sat down, Bush notices three buttons on the side of his chair.He pushes the first one and a boot comes flying out of nowhere kicking him in the shins. The Iranian president falls about laughing.He pushes the second button and a boxing glove comes flying through the air and hits him in the face. Again the Iranian president pisses himself laughing.He pushes the third button tentatively and another boot comes flying out of nowhere and kicks him in the balls. Eyes watering, he falls to the floor while the Iranian president struggles for air as he"s laughing so hard.Bush staggers to his feet and announces that he"s going to Washington - the Iranian president will be welcome to resume talks in three days.Three days pass and the Iranian president arrives in Washington for the talks. As he sits down in his seat he notices three buttons on the side. Eyeing them suspiciously, he presses the first one.Nothing happens........ Bush starts giggling.He winces as he pushes the second one. Again, nothing.... Bush starts laughing harder.He grimaces as he pushes the third one. Once more, nothing happens..... Bush falls out of his seat laughing.The Iranian president gets up in a huff and announces, "I"m going back to Iran."Gasping for air, Bush replies, "what Iran?"
• A man walks into a pet shop, puts a bomb on the counter and says, "You"ve got one minute to get out of here before the place blows!"A tortoise in the back shouts, "You bastard!"