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I Raped a Virgin and All I Got Was This Bloody T-Shirt
I just found out my girlfriend is having her period..I caught her red handed...
Being a cultural bloke, I thought I would sit down and watch one of those classical period dramas.It was horrible.....blood everywhere.
Why is a beetroot like prostate cancer?It turns your piss red.
What sits in the corner with a smile getting bigger and bigger?A baby eating razor blades.
Jehovah"s Witnesses don"t believe in giving blood...They don"t get a choice when they knock on my door.
I"d like to leave this world like I came into it: Screaming, naked and covered in someone else"s blood!
What"s got wings and sucks blood?Always Ultra.
A copper in London pulled over a driver who"d been weaving in and out of the traffic. He approached the car window and said, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser."The man reached into his pocket and produced a doctor"s note. On it was written: "This man suffers from chronic asthma. Do not make him perform any action that may leave him short of breath."The officer said, "OK then; I need you to come and give a blood sample."The man produced another letter. This one read: "This man is a haemophiliac. Please do not cause him to bleed in any way."So the officer said, "Right, I need a urine sample then."The man produced a third letter from his pocket.It read, "This man is an American. Please don"t take the piss out of him."
This bloke goes into see his doctor and says, "every time I see a lorry, I get an erection."The doc laughs and says, "impossible."So the bloke stands up and walks over to the window and, after a lorry passes by, he pulls his trousers down to reveal a huge hardon. The doctor says, "this defies medical science, but give me a sample of blood then come back in three weeks and I"ll have a result."Three weeks pass by and the bloke returns to the doctors. On entering his office, the doctor says, "sit down, I have some bad news for you."The bloke slumps into a chair and says, "what is it doc?"The doctor explains, "you"re HGV positive."
We hear a lot in the news about Jehovah"s Witnesses dying because they have refused blood transfusions.Natural selection, anyone?
TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you"ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn"t your biggest problem. (Jerry Seinfeld)
I went to donate blood the other day, but they wouldn"t take it.Apparently they need to know where it comes from.