Big jokes

• Little pricks go in little condoms.Big pricks go in big condoms.So what do you put fat pricks into?A NEWCASTLE UNITED SHIRT
• Why do Americans have such large heads?So they have somewhere to put their big mouths.
• I love September 11th.On this day every year my Muslim neighbours make me apple crumble.
• A nigger is picking his nose when his mum says "Winston, stop doing that!"Winston replies, "But all the white kids do it.""I know," says his Mum, "But not with a fucking spoon!"
• A man walked up to me in the street and try to sell me the "Big Issue" When I said no he called me a Faggot.I said "A faggot with a home."
• General Custer is standing on a hill overlooking the Little Big Horn. In the distance he can hear Sitting Bull"s braves pounding on their drums.He turns to a little Geordie soldier in his ranks, "listen" he says, "they have war drums."The Geordie replies, "why, man! The fuckin", thievin" bastards..."
• Man"s going down on his wife, and says "My god, you"ve got a big vagina. My god, you"ve got a big vagina."Wife says "Alright, I get the message, no need to say it twice!"Husband replies "I didn"t..."
• One day a bus driver was in his bus when the biggest man he had ever seen got on. The giant looked at the driver and said: "Big John doesn"t pay", and took his seat on the bus. The bus driver was only a little man and he didn"t want to argue. This happened for several days. After a week , the bus driver was beginning to get a little angry. Everybody else paid, so why not the big man? So the driver went to the gym and started a course of body-building. He didn"t want to get frightened of Big John any more. Three weeks later the driver had strong muscles and was feeling very fit. At the usual stop, Big John got on. "Big John doesn"t pay", he said. But this time the driver was prepared for him. He got up and said : "Oh, yeah? And why doesn"t Big John pay?" "Because Big John has got a bus pass" , the man replied.
• In response to news that Jade Goody has cervical cancer, a spokesperson for Big Brother has said, "it doesn"t surprise me, she"s always been a rotten cunt."
• I ended up with this stunner the other night who assured me she was a virgin. Things were going great, but after a bit of groping around she pushed me away.“Don"t tell me,” I sighed, “you want to wait for Mr Right?”“No...” she replied, “Mr Big will do...”