Bedroom jokes

• People say that Paedophiles are selfish lovers, but how many men do you know that are willing to begin their foreplay with a bedtime story?
• Why do married men hang strobe lights from their bedroom ceilings?To create the optical illusion that their wives are moving during sex.
• My wife came to me and asked for my advice on what she should wear out tonight.I told her, "the carpets between the kitchen and the bedroom."
• Harry is chatting to Tom. "I like your new suit," says Tom."Thanks," says Harry, "it was a surprise present from my wife.I came home from work early last night and found it hanging over a chair in the bedroom."
• Today my girlfriend asked me, "Where is this relationship going?"I replied with, "Upstairs."
• I"m a true gentleman in the bedroom: Women and children first.
• A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water. His wife asks, "What"s that for?""It"s for your headache.""I don"t have a headache!""Fancy a fuck then?"
• Why can"t women go skiing?Coz there"s no ski slope between the bedroom and the kitchen.
• A young Mum wrote:While, I was recovering from surgery and spending most of the day in bed, my seven year old son asked me why I didn"t get a boyfriend, since my husband (his Dad) had run off. I told him the television is my new boyfriend, he entertains me all the time. And, even though he sometimes doesn"t start, I just give it a few hard whacks on the side and it comes back on and I"m happy as a lark for hours. He was satisfied with the explanation and walked away. Sunday the pastor stopped by to check on my recovery. My son answered the door. The pastor smiled and asked, "Is your Mom busy, son?" My little one looked up at him and replied, "Yes, sir, she"s in the bedroom banging her new boyfriend and once she gets him started, she"ll be happy for hours!"
• My eleven year old son came home from school yesterday, all embarrassed, and told me they had done "Sex Education" in class.Later, I went into his bedroom to find him humping away on next doors ten-year-old daughter. As you can imagine, I went mad! "What the hell do you think you"re doing?" I screamed.He looked at me and said, "erm.......homework?"
• Paddy was a bit warm one night in bed, so his wife told him, "When I"m hot, I use the other side of the pillow."Sadly, Paddy died of suffocation a few minutes later.