Beckham jokes

• Why is David Beckham like a Ferrero Rocher?They both come in a posh box.
• I like David Beckham. Most of us have skeletons in our closet, but he takes his out in public.
• How many Beckhams does it take to change a light bulb?Two; one to scratch their head and the other to call the plumber.
• David Beckham is supporting the campaign against teenage violence, saying he once witnessed an attack with a blade on a teen pal. Victoria has since explained to him that the hairdresser was just doing his job.
• NEW COMPUTER VIRUSThe David Beckham Virus- This affects newer PCs mainly.The computer looks great, all the lights are on. But nothing works.
• What do George Michael and David Beckham have in common?The both cum in Loos.
• For those who don"t know what Victoria"s Secret is, David Beckham has a tiny penis.
• David Beckham, when not playing football that day, decides to go horse riding.Although he has no previous experience, he skillfully mounts the horse and appears in complete control as the horse gallops along at a steady pace.Victoria watches him admiringly.After a while, David becomes a little too casual and begins to lose his grip in the saddle. He panics and grabs the horse round it"s neck and calls for it to stop.Victoria screams and shouts for someone to help.David slips completely out of the saddle and is only saved from hitting the ground because he is still clutching the horse"s neck.David decides his best chance is to leap away, but his foot becomes entangled in the stirrup.David"s head is now banging along the ground and he is slipping into unconsciousness. Victoria is really starting to panic now, and screams at the top of her voice.Hearing her screams, one of the supermarket security guards comes out of the store and unplugs the horse.
• David Beckham is due on the pitch for a training session and he"s nowhere to be seen.His new Galaxy manager goes looking for him and finds him in the dressing room and says, "hey, David, why are you in here and not on the pitch?"David says, "I"m trying to do this jigsaw puzzle that Victoria gave me."Manager: "I don"t care about a damn puzzle, get out on the pitch."David: "No.. I"ve been trying for weeks to do this jigsaw, and it"s all I can think of right now."Manager: "What"s the puzzle of?"David: "It"s a tiger."The manager looks over David"s shoulder at the puzzle laid out on the floor and says, "For fucks sake! Put the Frosties back in box and get out on the pitch!"
• After constant critisism of his wife David Beckham has sprung to her defence."She"s worth her weight in gold." he is quoted as saying.So that"ll be £4.36 then David.
• Why did David Beckham have a bald head?Because Victoria"s mate said her sex life would be better if she shaved her twat!
• David Beckham and Gary Neville are sitting watching the 5 "o" clock news where a man is threatening to jump off a bridge.Beckham says to Gary Neville " I bet you £100 that he doesn"t jump", Gary Neville replies ""OK I bet you £100 that he DOES jump"Sure enough the man jumped off of the bridge and killed himself.Beckham gets out £100 and gives it to Gary.Gary says "I can"t take your money, it wouldn"t be fair. You"re my best mate and all that............ I had watched the 12 "o" clock news earlier and it was on then, so I knew he was going to jump"Beckham replied "I watched the 12 "o" clock news as well but i didn"t think that he would jump again"
• David Beckham is in training with Ryan Giggs. They are both joking and messing about when a furious Alex Ferguson comes up to them to give them a piece of his mind."Lads, after todays performance you two can stay behind for extra training."Beckham and Giggs are gutted and then wait for the end of the session. Ferguson and the boys go home and it"s just the two of them."Let"s just go home," says Giggsy, "who will know?"So they both go home to their respective houses. Beckham goes upstairs to hear passionate moaning and screaming coming from the bedroom. Becks goes to investigate and puts his head round the door to see Fergie pumping away at Victoria and is horrified.The next day in training Beckham and Giggs are fucking around when Fergie tells them both to stay behind again.Giggs turns to Beckham and says, "Let"s just go home early again.""Fuck you," replies Beckham, "I nearly got caught yesterday."
• Posh and Becks get picked up at the airport and on their way home the driver says to them "Been anywhere nice then?". David says "Ummm...what"s the name of that station in London?"."Paddington?" the driver offers."No, that"s not it""King"s Cross?""No""Waterloo?""No""Liverpool Street?""No. It"s got a big bus station too"."Victoria?""Yes, that"s it. Oi, Victoria, where have we just been?"
• I just don"t get it, everyone goes on about David Beckham being thick...... but no cunt says anything about Stephen Hawking being shit at football do they?!
• What hits more balls than David Beckham"s right boot?Elton John"s chin.
• David and Victoria Beckham are sitting watching TV with their children. David notices Victoria"s legs are open and she"s not wearing pants. He says to her "Victoria, close your legs... the K-I-D-S can see your cunt!"bernard manning
• Tributes poured in after the sad news of the death of Sir Stanley Matthews.Kevin Keegan said he was "a legend"Jimmy Greaves described his talent as "sublime"Bobby Charlton called him "a Brazilian in an England shirt"Gary Lineker was quote as saying "he was the last great gentleman of the game"David Beckham said "Its a real shame. Posh and I loved his Turkey Drummers. They"re bootiful".
• David Beckham has been asked to arrange Alan Ball"s funeral. At a press conference Victoria said, "David"s a dead ball specialist, so it makes perfect sense."
• On the golf course, with David Seaman, Becks spends ages lining up a shot. "Come on," says the former keeper, "Get a move on." Becks says,"Sorry, mate, but Victoria is watching from the clubhouse and I want to make the perfect shot." Seaman replies, "You've no chance of hitting her from here!"