Bank jokes

• The NHS has announced that all sperm banks in Manchester and West London will close for the next 7 days as all the wankers will be in Moscow.
• Who cares about the credit crunch and stock market crash. I have just done something that will shortly net me a big house and millions of pounds.I have just married Wendy Richard.
• Two Irishmen had a nightmare day visting the sperm bank in London. Paddy missed the tube and Murphy came on the bus.
• This Chinese chap goes into a bank to change some currency, after receiving his money he asks "How come I came in here with same amount of money as yesterday but today I get less yuans in return?"The banker says "Fluctuations"The chinese guy replies... "Fluck you Blitish too".
• A bank robber walks up to one of his hostages and asks, "Did you see my face?"The hostage replies, "Yes."The robber takes aim and shoots the man in the head.He turns to the next man. "And did you see my face?""No, but my wife did!"
• I have to laugh whenever I see the French bank "BNP," who now have branches in England. I just wonder how many skinheads turn up thinking its a recruiting office?
• Barclay"s are apparently "Fluent in Finance."Well, that"s fantastic. Its just a shame none of the fucking Indians that answer their phones are fluent in English.
• I went to the ATM this morning and it said "insufficient funds".I"m wondering is it them or me.
• Bob is walking home when he sees a tramp begging for change. Feeling a bit sorry for the man, he gives him some change and begins to walk off."Thank you," says the homeless man. "It used to be so good for me but look at me now.""What do you mean?" asked Bob.The tramp replied, "I was a multi-millionaire, I had bank accounts all across the world with millions in. I had investments, bonds, stocks, shares and all sorts.""What happened, where did it go wrong?"The tramp replied, "forgot my fucking mother"s maiden name."
• Just been down the new sperm bank in town, they actually pay you for your sperm!When I think of all the money I"ve let slip through my fingers over the years...
• Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank"s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank"s underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000"" The Indian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return""
• A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to "write" with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Fuckin" helll... some asshole"s got my pen."