Bag jokes

• How do you make paper babies?Fuck an old bag.
• I just caught AIDS from a shopping bag.....Apparently it was a carrier........
• Jade Goody was offered a bag for life when she went shopping in Tesco today.When she said yes, they gave her a paper one.
• What is it with all the supermarkets asking you to take your old bag shopping ?I tried it the other day and the fucking bitch spent a fortune.
• A wise man once said, "you should treat your women the way you treat your vacuum cleaner - when it stops sucking, change the bag."
• An elderly English gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously."Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."The English gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn"t have to show it.""Impossible. All Englishmen have to show their passports on arrival in France !"The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.Then he quietly explained."Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Sword Beach on D- Day in June 1944, and I couldn"t find any fucking Frenchmen to show it to"
• This man pulls up in his Merc beside a little boy. He opens the door, holds out a brown paper bag of sweets and says, "alright, little fella - if I give you a sweetie, will you come in my car?"To which the kid replies, "gimme the bag and I"ll come in your mouth!"
• I went to my local supermarket and they offered me a "bag for life" - I said "No thanks, I"m already married."
• George wakes up in hospital after a serious operation."I have good news and bad news," says the doctor. "The good news is that we managed to save your testicles.""Thank God," says George. "And what"s the bad news?"The doctor replies, "they"re in a bag under your pillow."
• A Rastafarian walks into a bank and hands the cashier a bag full of marijuana. "Sir, what"s this for?" says the suprised lady. The Rasta replies "Mi come to open a joint account."
• My mate in the pub had a DIY breathalyser: it was a bag that told him when he"d had too much to drink. I have no need for it though, I married one.
• Why can"t women have colostomies?Because they can"t find shoes to match the bag.