Airport jokes

• Police today arrested a Thalidomide couple at Heathrow Airport.They were charged under the terrorism act, for trying to take small arms onto a plane.
• I was just watching an episode of Airport on Dave but I only saw three white people throughout the entire programme. It had a brilliant ending though as it turned out they were filming in the departures lounge.
• I just dropped my mother-in-law off at the airport.She leaves next Friday.
• It was a bit hot today. In fact I was sweating like a doctor on his way to the airport.
• JOHN Lennon Airport was closed by police this morning after a suspicious car was found in the car park.It had an up to date tax disc and 4 tyres still on it!!
• The man in charge of the luggage at Terminal 5 at Heathrow has been sacked and awaiting trial at court with another 28,000 cases to be taken into account.
• One of the Glasgow terror suspects has died from his injuries.His condition has been described as satisfactory.
• 1 can of petrol - £202 Calor gas bottles - £42.501 Cherokee jeep - £2000Watching two terrorists burn alive - Priceless
• Typical - the smoking ban comes into force and yet Muslims can still light up in airports.
• Went on a pleasure trip last weekend.Drove my mother-in-law to the airport.
• A Paki was flying home to see his family.He went to the ticket office but found out he was a pound short for his ticket, so he went up to a guy and said, "excuse me please, I need one pound so I may go home to Pakistan."The guy gives him ten quid and says, "here you go, take nine of your mates with you."
• I was booking in my luggage at Heathrow and said to the booking desk girl, "can you send one of my suitcases to Rome, one to Paris and one to Madrid please?""I"m sorry sir, I"m afraid we can"t do that," she replied."Why not? You managed it last fucking year."
• Gary Glitter is at Bangkok airport stuck in Limbo. Limbo said, "it"s okay, Mr Glitter very nice man."
• Overheard today at the airport check in desk, from a loud American couple-" Ma"m, are you sure it is still safe to fly to Atlanta? Only we hear that the Russians have been attacking Georgia."