Africa jokes

• Why do black women carry their babies on their backs?Have you ever tried to push a pram through the jungle!
• Have you heard about the new tv show they`re releasing in africa?It`s called have I got shoes for you
• What do you call a nigger with an green afro?A tree!
• Why are the top jokes on this site like African Politicians?Because they have only got where they are because of dodgy multiple voting!
• What do Ethiopians do on Friday night?Starve
• A recent survey found that Africa was in fact the happiest continent to live in.Everyone there seemed positive.
• Did you hear about the 9 year old African boy?He was going through a mid-life crisis.
• They say a problem shared is a problem halved.Not if its AIDS.
• I just bought myself a can of Lynx Africa.I always wondered what AIDS, famine and civil war smelt like.
• Following the controversy over Mohammed the bear, Sooty has decided to cancel his tour of Africa
• I find it shocking that so many African leaders are openly criticising Western governments, especially Britain, for their role in the slave trade. Fucking hypocrites. Who sold the slaves to the whites in the first place?
• What do Africans and bikes have in common?They both work better with chains on.
• Bono is at a U2 concert when he asks the audience for some quiet. Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone... "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." A voice from near the front pierces the silence... "Well, fucking stop it then!"
• A Zulu walking through the jungle comes across a pygmy standing over a dead lion."Did you kill that lion?" asks the Zulu."Yeah, I beat it to death with my club," the pygmy replies."Fuck, you must have a big club," says the Zulu."Aye, there"s about thirty of us."
• I went into a pub the other day. There was an Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, two Asians, an African man, and two homosexuals.... didn"t stay long.
• I saw a charity appeal in the Guardian the other day, and it read "Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water". And I couldn"t help thinking, she should move.
• A local snooker player died last week. His funeral was yesterday. Buried in front of him are a Pakistani, an African and a Jap. His wife moaned, "it"s totally unfair, he"s completely snookered behind the black, brown and yellow!!"
• Three South Africans, a black and two whites, are in jail, discussing what they"re in for.The first white South African is asked what he"s in for, to which he replied "Robbery, and I got two years. The judge said it was lucky it wasn"t armed robbery, or I"d have got five years."The second white South African is asked next, to which he replied "Sexual assault, and I got 7 years. The judge said it was lucky it wasn"t rape, or I"d have got ten years."The black South African is finally asked, to which he replied "Riding my bike without a light, and I got life. The judge said it was lucky it wasn"t dark, or I"d be facing a firing squad!"
• It costs 10p to send this message that"s enough money to buy food drink and shelter for an African child for a day. Send this message on to 7 people and starve the cunt for a week
• An Aussie, a Kiwi, and a South African are at a bar one night having a beer. All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, takes off his diamond encrusted watch, pulls out a gun shoots the watch to pieces. He says "In South Afrika we have so many diamonds that we don"t need to wear the same diamond twice." The Kiwi (obviously impressed by this) drinks his beer throw his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "Well mate, in New Zealand we have so much sand to make the glass that we don"t need to drink out of the same cup twice ay."The Australian then pulls out his gun and shoots the Kiwi.
• Zebo, a half blind 5 year old African orphan has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes.Please give just a small donation of £2 and we will send you the video; it"s fucking hilarious!
• A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure... In Africa they didn"t know what "Food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn"t know what "Honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn"t know what "Shortage" meant. In China they didn"t know what "Opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn"t know what "Solution" meant. In South America they didn"t know what "Please" meant. And in the USA they didn"t know what "The rest of the world" meant
• There is a new girls" doll out on the market. It comes with no shoes, no clothes, no house, no car and no farm.It"s called Zim-barbie.
• I"m not worried about the Third World War. That"s the Third World"s Problem.
• An explorer in Africa comes across a clearing in the jungle, sees this huge elephant, dead - with this tiny pygmy stood on top. He asks the pygmy, "What happened?" Pygmy: "I killed it, I killed it, with my club" Explorer: "Must be a bloody big club!" Pygmy: "Yeah, there's three hundred of us!"